Ever feel like you’re running a one-parent circus while your partner relaxes ringside with popcorn? You’re not alone.
Juggling work, kids, laundry mountains, and the never-ending snack requests? That’s not a solo gig.
If you’re wondering how to get your partner to pick up the slack—without sounding like a nag or starting World War III—read on.
Why Are You Doing Everything?
Let’s call it out: invisible labor is real.
One parent (spoiler: usually mum) often ends up knowing every child’s shoe size, the last time the dishwasher was cleaned, and who has a birthday party next weekend.
Maybe it started as a one-off (“I’ll just do it myself this time, it’s quicker”), or perhaps your partner honestly believes the Tooth Fairy is on your roster.
Over time, habits settle in deeper than a toddler in a ball pit.
If resentment is bubbling, you’re not imagining things. Researchers have found that unequal division of domestic work is a leading cause of relationship tension for parents.
The good news? A few tweaks can shift the balance—without needing a bullhorn or divorce lawyer.
Talk Like Partners, Not Adversaries
Tempting as it is to march in waving a spreadsheet of grievances, that never works. Picture the face your child pulls when you suggest broccoli for dessert—that’s your partner hearing “You never do anything.”
Try a kitchen table chat when tempers aren’t flaring and kids aren’t dangling from light fixtures.
Use “I” statements, like “I’m overwhelmed with the bath and bedtime marathon. Can you help with baths tonight?” Light, honest, and to the point.
If you’re met with defensiveness or blank confusion, don’t panic. Many parents genuinely don’t see what needs doing (“But didn’t we just do laundry last month?”).
Sometimes, it’s not laziness, just a different radar for household chaos.
Spell Out the Invisible Stuff
Some partners are genuinely mystified by the sheer volume of tasks involved in keeping a household running. If your other half claims, “Just tell me what to do!”—resist the urge to hurl the recycling.
Instead, map out all the jobs, obvious and invisible.
There are great resources like Fair Play cards for listing the mental load: everything from buying loo roll to remembering the dog’s flea tablets.
Lay them all out together (wine recommended but not required). You might both be shocked by the sheer number of spinning plates.
Divide and Conquer, Not Just Delegate
Handing out chores like a headteacher with detention slips doesn’t usually inspire enthusiasm. A genuine partnership means divvying up responsibility, not creating a manager-subordinate dynamic.
Agree on who owns what. If your partner takes charge of school lunches, let them handle the planning, shopping, and remembering that Johnny’s allergic to peanuts.
No hovering, no micro-managing. Yes, even if they pack three days of jam sandwiches in a row.
When each person truly owns a domain, it lightens your mental load and boosts goodwill.
A Study by Scientists shows that couples who split tasks (not just do a favour here and there) report happier relationships.
Don’t Wait for Them to Read Your Mind
No matter how many hints you drop (“It’s bin day tomorrow, hint hint, nudge nudge”), most people aren’t psychic (or, if they are, they’re wasting it on you).
Specific requests get much better results. Instead of “Don’t you think the laundry basket looks a bit full?”, try “Could you put the washing on after dinner?” Clarity wins every time.
And if you do catch your partner pitching in—maybe they remembered to wipe the high chair without prompting—acknowledge it.
No, you don’t have to throw them a parade, but a simple “Thanks, that really helps” goes further than you think.
Make It Routine, Not a One-Off
Ever had a partner do a whirlwind cleaning session right before their mates come over, then act like they’ve earned a gold medal? One-off efforts don’t address the daily grind.
Anchor tasks to routines, not emergencies. Maybe your partner always handles the morning school run, or bath time is their zone.
Consistency is your best ally here; when roles are predictable, you’re not constantly negotiating or reminding.
Apps like OurHome or Cozi can help assign and track recurring tasks—if you’re into that sort of thing.
Some couples even set a shared calendar with repeating chores (because nothing says romance like a bin-night reminder).
Embrace ‘Good Enough’ (Even When It’s Not Your Way)
Yes, your partner loads the dishwasher like a raccoon on Red Bull. Uniform towel folding? Not their strong suit.
Here’s the rub: if you want help, it can’t always be on your terms.
Perfectionism is a heavy load. If you correct every job or redo it, you’ll end up back at square one (and resenting everyone).
As long as the job’s done and the kids are clothed enough for public spaces, let the small stuff slide.
This doesn’t mean you have to live in chaos. If there’s a job that absolutely must be done a certain way (say, allergy meds or finances), agree on basic standards together.
Share the Mental Load, Not Just Tasks
Running a household isn’t just about action. It’s about anticipating, planning, remembering.
This is where the real magic—and the burnout—happens.
Invite your partner into that headspace. Brainstorm together: Who needs new school shoes? What’s the plan for Auntie Sue’s birthday?
Get thoughts out of your head and into a shared notebook, app, or even a whiteboard on the fridge.
No, you probably won’t achieve perfect 50/50 mind-meld, but even a 70/30 split is a major improvement over 100/0.
Model the Teamwork You Want Your Kids to See
Little eyes are always watching. If your kids grow up thinking mum does it all and dad just “helps out,” they’re learning more than you think.
Show them what teamwork looks like, even if you’re improvising as you go. Sharing responsibility, admitting when you’re tired, and giving each other credit all shapes how your children will handle relationships down the line.
Besides, an hour watching your partner attempt a ponytail or assemble a school costume? That’s priceless family entertainment.
When You’ve Tried Everything and It’s Still Not Working
Sometimes, a partner simply won’t get on board, no matter how many lists, talks, or apps you try. If you’re carrying the load solo and it’s harming your well-being, don’t bottle it up.
Consider a frank conversation about how this dynamic affects you, not just as a parent but as a partner.
Couples therapy is not a dirty word. Relationship experts can help untangle stubborn patterns and get both of you back on the same page.
You deserve rest, respect, and partnership. If you’re running on empty, ask for support—from friends, family, or professionals—until things rebalance.
Building a Better Balance
Sharing the load isn’t about tallying points or keeping score with chores. It’s about respect, trust, and the sense that you’re both in it together—sink full of dirty dishes and all.
Progress might be slow. There may be setbacks (and the odd dramatic sigh).
That’s family life: messy, noisy, and worth every minute, especially when you don’t have to do it all alone.
As you nudge things toward a better balance, remember: you’re not just making your own life easier. You’re building a partnership your kids will watch, learn from, and—hopefully—thank you for someday.
Or at least, they’ll know how to run a washing machine before they leave home.
