Welcome to the Olympic-level event known as Parental Consistency, where the main competition involves a child’s ability to wield the phrase, “But their parents allow it!” with the precision of a seasoned barrister.
Few things test a parent’s resolve—or sense of humour—like being pitted against every other mum and dad on the planet.
Still, it’s a rite of passage, both for children figuring out boundaries and for parents learning to enforce them without losing the will to live.
Here’s how to keep your cool, your authority, and maybe even your sense of fun, when everyone else’s parents seem so much cooler than you.
Recognise the Emotional High-Wire
When a child throws “But everyone else!” at you, there’s more at play than simple negotiation tactics.
Kids crave belonging—nobody wants to be the odd one out when the playground or group chat is abuzz about the latest trend, gadget, or sleepover.
Validating those feelings doesn’t mean caving or going soft. It just signals that you hear them, which, ironically, makes them less likely to up the ante and more likely to listen when you explain your reasoning.
A quick, “I know it feels unfair when it seems like you’re the only one,” can go a long way. It’s not a magic spell, but it shows empathy before you bring down the hammer (or the gentle parenting equivalent).
Check Your Own Parenting Compass
Every family has its quirks, rules, and red lines. Maybe you’re fine with TikTok but allergic to late-night gaming. Perhaps your idea of a treat is an extra episode, while your kid’s classmate has a phone and Uber Eats on speed dial.
It’s easy to second-guess yourself when faced with the highlight reels from other households—especially if you’re running on caffeine and a sense of impending doom.
Take a moment to remember why you set certain rules. Maybe it’s safety, health, or your own hard-won sanity.
As psychologist Dr. Laura Markham notes, parenting with intention rather than impulse fosters consistency and connection.
Trust your gut. If your child senses you’re unsure, they’ll sense the wobble and pounce. Stand firm, even if internally you’re frantically Googling “Are blue slushies actually toxic?”
The Power of ‘Our Family, Our Rules’
This old chestnut has survived generations for a reason. Explaining that every family does things differently sets expectations and introduces your child to the wild concept that life isn’t always fair.
It’s a tough lesson, but one best learnt before adulthood delivers it with interest.
Try, “I know what Emily’s parents decided for their family. Here’s what we’ve decided for ours.” Repeating this mantra (lovingly) helps reinforce the notion that you’re not trying to ruin anyone’s life, but you are sticking to your guns.
Fact-Check the Claims
Children, much like certain politicians, are sometimes prone to… creative storytelling. “Everyone in my class has a phone!” often means “Two people in my class have a phone, and I’d like one.”
Lightly probe for details. Ask who “everyone” is. If you know other parents, compare notes—often you’ll find you’re all facing the same demands.
A WhatsApp group of parents can feel like a support group, occasionally punctuated by memes and wine recommendations.
A recent survey by Common Sense Media found that the “norm” your child describes is rarely as universal as they claim. It’s not about catching them out, just keeping a grip on reality.
Explain Your Reasoning—Without Monologuing
Children are more likely to buy into rules if they understand the ‘why’. This doesn’t mean you need to deliver a TED Talk on the dangers of screen time or sugar. Instead, share your thought process in simple terms.
Try, “We’ve noticed you’re tired when you stay up late, which makes mornings tough for everyone. That’s why we have a bedtime.” Or, “We want you to have fun online, but we set time limits to make sure you have time for other things.”
Clarity beats vague warnings. “Because I said so” has its place, but overusing it can spark rebellion (and creative loophole hunting).
Stay Calm and Carry On
Being told you’re the cruellest parent in the northern hemisphere is never fun. Still, try not to take it personally or let guilt steer your decisions.
Children push boundaries not because they don’t love you, but because testing limits is their job.
Keep your cool—easier said than done when you’re accused of single-handedly ruining a social life. Take deep breaths, sip your tea, and answer calmly.
Your zen-like composure will either impress your child or confuse them into submission.
Make Space for Compromise
Not every request has to be a hill to die on. Occasionally, granting a bit of leeway can show you’re willing to listen and adapt. This doesn’t mean flinging open the gates to chaos, just finding places where you can say yes.
Maybe your child can’t have a smartphone yet, but you’ll let them borrow yours for a set period under supervision. Perhaps the sleepover is off the table for now, but a movie night at home with friends gets the green light.
Negotiation doesn’t mean surrender. It teaches flexibility, a handy life skill for both sides.
Consult the Research and Real-Life Examples
Sharing evidence (in small doses—nobody wants a dissertation over dinner) can help. Mention that experts from the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest screen limits for certain ages because of sleep and concentration impacts.
Bring in stories about other families’ rules—especially if you know of ones stricter than yours. Suddenly, your child’s hard-done-by status feels less dramatic.
If you spot an app or tech tool that helps manage tricky scenarios—say, Google Family Link for digital boundaries—trial it together. Make the process collaborative rather than adversarial.
Keep Conversations Going
One “no” needn’t mean slamming the door on the subject forever. Invite your child to revisit rules when they grow or circumstances change.
Maybe you’ll reconsider certain restrictions at the next birthday or after a successful term at school.
Opening the floor shows your child you’re not inflexible, just deliberate. It also creates space for them to build trust and show responsibility—because rules might loosen as they earn it.
Find Your Parent Tribe
Misery loves company, and solidarity makes it more bearable.
Connect with other parents through school events, online groups, or those chance encounters at the supermarket where you both look like you’ve recently lost a wrestling match with a toddler.
Share experiences, swap advice, and remind yourself that the “cool parents” your child idolises are probably winging it too. Nobody’s got this all figured out, and anyone who claims they do is selling something.
Handle Tantrums and Tears with Grace (and, Where Possible, Chocolate)
The fallout from an unpopular decision can be epic. Tears, door slamming, moping so powerful it distorts the local weather patterns—brace yourself for it all.
Hold firm, but offer comfort. Let your child vent their frustration without turning it into a power struggle.
Sometimes a hug and a biscuit (or the treaty of Versailles, if things really go off the rails) is the best peace offering.
You might not always be the fun parent, but you’re the safe one—a much better gig in the long run.
Sticking to Your Guns Without Losing Your Mind
“But their parents allow it!” will never vanish completely from family life.
It’s a sign you’re raising a curious, persistent child. It also means you’re doing the hard work of setting boundaries—something any future employer, partner, or roommate will thank you for, even if your child never does.
Stay strong, keep talking, and every once in a while, remind yourself you’re exactly the parent your child needs.
Even if, right now, “everyone else’s” still sounds awfully tempting.
