Ah, tantrums. That familiar symphony of shrieks, snot, and despair—sometimes from your little one, sometimes from you. Some days, even the dog looks like he’d rather move out.
If you’re convinced your child’s meltdowns have auditioned for a disaster film, you’re not alone. Almost every parent has found themselves staring down a red-faced, howling small human and wondering, “How did we get here?”
The good news: There’s probably nothing “wrong” with you or your child.
Tantrums are as much a part of childhood as sticky fingers and socks that inexplicably vanish. But certain habits can add fuel to the fire.
Let’s untangle the most common tantrum mistakes (and how to sidestep them), so you can move from code-red chaos to (mostly) manageable meltdowns.
Letting Your Own Emotions Take the Wheel
Ever found yourself shouting, “STOP SCREAMING!”—while, um, screaming? It’s a classic.
Kids are emotional tuning forks, and when you vibrate at a high frequency, they do too.
Research from the Yale Child Study Center points out that children are highly sensitive to adult stress.
When grown-ups lose their cool, kids feel it deep in their bones, and tantrums tend to ramp up instead of winding down.
Easier said than done, but try to channel your inner BBC newsreader. Speak calmly, keep your body language open, and remember to breathe (deeply, not the “I’m-about-to-lose-it” kind).
If you need to, step into another room for a few seconds—think of it as a parent’s mini time-out.
Trying to Reason With a Flooded Brain
Picture explaining quantum physics to a very hungry raccoon. That’s what reasoning with a tantruming toddler looks like.
When children are in full meltdown mode, the thinking part of their brain has clocked off for the day. Instead, their emotional brain is running the show.
Experts call this “amygdala hijack,” and child psychologist Dr. Tina Payne Bryson confirms: logical talk can’t pierce the emotional storm.
Save the heart-to-heart for after the squall. Right now, focus on soothing and staying close.
Sometimes, just sitting quietly nearby (rather than launching into a TED Talk on ‘why we can’t eat biscuits for dinner’) does the trick.
Ignoring Triggers Until They’re Right in Your Face
Ever noticed how tantrums seem to erupt at the worst possible moment? That’s not bad luck; it’s science.
Hungry kids, overtired kids, and kids forced into itchy jumpers are simply ticking time bombs.
Spotting patterns can save your sanity. Is there always an explosion after nursery but before tea? Does the supermarket transform your angel into a shrieking banshee?
Jot down when and where the meltdowns happen. You might notice your child’s “tantrum window” has less to do with fate and more to do with low blood sugar or skipped naps.
A little proactive snack, a five-minute cuddle, or a soft jumper might be all it takes to sidestep a mega-meltdown.
Bribing…Again (And Again, And Again)
You’re in the supermarket, your child has gone limp like a boneless chicken, and the only clear way out seems to be a chocolate bar. We’ve all done it.
The problem? Kids are clever. If a tantrum earns them a treat, they’ll remember.
Bribery isn’t the same as positive reinforcement. Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham suggests acknowledging good behaviour when it happens—without waving lollies or toys as bait.
Instead of promising sweets if they “just stop crying,” try: “Wow, you’re using your calm voice. That’s brilliant.” Praise and hugs? Those are currency too.
Over-Explaining or Over-Talking
Sometimes, in our desperate attempt to rationalise, we fire off a monologue that could rival a Dickens novel. Meanwhile, your toddler is eyeing a dust bunny on the floor.
Young children have short attention spans—especially during emotional moments. Long-winded explanations tend to go in one ear and out the other.
Boil things down to short, simple sentences: “You’re upset. I’m here.” Save the lecture for their university years.
Taking It Personally
Tantrums feel personal, especially when your child shouts, “You’re the meanest mummy EVER!” (Even though you just denied a biscuit at 7:30 am.)
But it’s rarely about you. Children lash out at the safest person in their world.
According to child development research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, tantrums are a sign of healthy emotional development, not a reflection on your parenting skills.
Try not to internalise the drama. Remind yourself: this is their process, not your failure. You’re the anchor in their emotional storm—keep holding steady.
Giving In to End the Noise
When you’re running on three hours’ sleep and a crust of toast, peace sounds priceless. But giving in too often teaches children that persistence pays off (in the form of a pack of crisps or a late bedtime).
Consistency is key. If you’ve said no to a second cartoon, stand by it—even if you have to grit your teeth through the shrieking.
Over time, your child will learn boundaries are boundaries, no matter how long or loud the protest.
Missing the “Calm Down” Window
Ever try to talk to a friend who’s still fuming after a row at work? Now imagine that friend is three, and their shoes are ‘too scratchy for life itself.’
After a tantrum peaks, children often slip into a wobbly, exhausted calm. This window is golden. Right then, they’re most open to a gentle word, a cuddle, or a soft reminder of family rules.
Stay close during the storm, but save chats about feelings, choices, or what to do next time for this quieter moment.
They might even surprise you with a hug (or, on a daring day, an apology).
Forgetting About Yourself
Parenting is relentless. Sometimes, in the quest to keep little ones from drawing on the walls (again), we forget our own needs.
That’s a quick route to burnout—and frazzled nerves do not a calm parent make.
A bit of self-care isn’t selfish. Take that extra cup of tea, scroll your phone in peace, or swap tantrum war stories with another parent.
If things feel overwhelming, reach out. There’s no medal for soldiering on solo.
Why Tantrums Look Different in Every Family
Some children have Oscar-worthy meltdowns, while others just do a bit of sulking. Sometimes it’s all about temperament; other times, it’s the environment, stress at home, or even sensory sensitivities.
Every family’s “tantrum triggers” and styles are unique. What matters most is responding with empathy and consistency.
If your child’s tantrums seem unusually intense, last for ages, or disrupt daily life, check in with your GP or health visitor. No shame in asking for backup.
Small Shifts, Big Changes
Perfection is overrated, especially in parenting. Tantrums will happen—sometimes loudly, sometimes in the middle of a packed train.
But even small tweaks can make a world of difference.
Keep your cool (or at least fake it), simplify your language, ride out the emotional waves, and don’t forget to take care of you.
Kids don’t need perfect parents; they need parents who show up, even when the going gets loud.
Now, go and pour yourself that cuppa. You’ve earned it—tantrums and all.
