Ah, teenagers. Those mysterious creatures who once narrated every detail of their day, but now communicate mainly in grunts, eye rolls, and the occasional “fine.”
If you’re missing the days when your child greeted you with a play-by-play of lunchtime drama, you’re not alone.
The good news? You can absolutely encourage your teen to open up again. The trick isn’t always about what to start doing—it’s what to stop.
Here’s what might be shutting down your teen, and how you can flip the script tonight—even if all you get is a noncommittal shrug.
Stop Interrogating and Start Listening
Ever asked your teen, “How was your day?” only to be met with “Good” and the thud of a bedroom door? Turns out, teenagers are highly skilled at dodging what they perceive as interrogations.
Rapid-fire questions—Did you do your homework? Who did you sit with at lunch? Why are you late?—can feel more like a police interview than genuine interest.
Try swapping the twenty questions for a simple, open-ended comment: “You seemed pretty busy today.” Then, bite your tongue and wait.
Silence can be surprisingly powerful; it gives your teen the chance to fill the gap on their own terms. According to research on parent-teen communication, teens are more likely to open up when they feel like you’re listening, not grilling.
Stop Problem-Solving Every Single Thing
Parents are natural fixers. You see your child struggle, and every instinct screams, “Sort it out!” But for teens, the moment you leap in with solutions, you risk making them feel like you don’t trust their ability to handle life’s small disasters.
When your teen tells you about a problem, resist the urge to immediately troubleshoot. Instead, try, “That sounds rough. Want to talk more about it, or just vent?”
Most teens want empathy, not a parent who’s ready to storm the principal’s office over a group chat spat. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is nod and hand over a biscuit.
Stop Dismissing Their Feelings
Teen angst can look a bit melodramatic from a grown-up perspective. Eye-rolling over forgotten trainers, tears about a friendship, the occasional existential crisis over pizza toppings—it’s easy to brush these off with a “You’ll get over it.”
But those feelings are real to them. Shrugging off their worries sends a message that you won’t take the big stuff seriously, either. Empathy is your best friend here.
Try reflecting back what you hear—“Sounds like you’re really upset about what happened with your mate”—so your teen knows you’re in their corner, even when the drama seems small.
Ditch the Judgment and Criticism
Nothing shuts down a conversation faster than a parent who slips into Judge Judy mode.
If your teen comes to you with a confession, and the first thing out of your mouth is, “What were you thinking?”—congratulations, you’ve just set the world record for fastest emotional retreat.
Even if you’re dying to critique their choices, pause. Breathe. Thank them for trusting you enough to share. Save the lecture for later—after the initial wave of honesty has passed.
Teens need to know you’re a safe harbour, not a firing squad.
Stop Making Every Chat a Life Lesson
Parents have a superhuman ability to turn any casual remark into a TED Talk.
Your teen mentions a friend sneaking out? Suddenly, you’re giving a 30-minute presentation on consequences, responsibility, and the importance of keeping your phone charged at all times.
Constant teaching moments can make teens clam up; nobody wants to feel like they’re on the receiving end of “Parenting PowerPoint: The Teenage Years.”
Share your wisdom sparingly, and only when asked—or, at least, after your teen feels genuinely heard.
Don’t Compete With Screens—Join Them
Screens have a hypnotic effect on teens (and, let’s be honest, on parents too). It’s tempting to demand a tech-free zone every time you want to chat.
But sometimes, the easiest way in is through their world.
Sit down and watch the show they love, or ask about the game they’re playing. Even if you don’t understand a word (wait, what is Fortnite anyway?), showing interest can spark conversation.
One study found that parents who engage with their teens around media see more openness and honesty. Sometimes, bonding happens over a badly dubbed anime at 9:30pm.
Stop Expecting Deep Talks on Your Schedule
The urge to connect often strikes at the most inconvenient times: when you’ve just poured a cup of tea, or you’re about to enjoy three minutes of peace in the loo.
Teens, on the other hand, love to open up at precisely the least predictable moment—usually when you’re half asleep, driving, or on deadline.
Instead of shutting them down (“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”), try to seize those rare openings. Drop what you can, even if it’s just to say, “I want to hear more. Give me two minutes to finish this email.”
Teens remember who really listens—especially when it’s inconvenient.
Leave the Sarcasm in the Group Chat
Sarcasm is a treasured tool for surviving parenthood, but when it comes to fragile teenage egos, it’s a double-edged sword.
Comments like, “Wow, thanks for sharing, that was so helpful,” or “Lovely attitude, darling,” might earn you a snort, but probably not the heart-to-heart you’re after.
Nobody likes to feel mocked (even lovingly). If you want your teen to see you as an ally, keep the banter light and steer clear of anything that could be misread as ridicule.
Stop Overreacting to Small Confessions
It takes courage for a teenager to admit a mistake or share something embarrassing. If your instinct is to gasp, scold, or threaten WiFi banishment, your teen will quickly learn it’s safer to keep things to themselves.
Aim for a poker face. Thank them for telling you, even if you’re quietly picturing them living in a cardboard box after failing a maths test. React calmly now, and you’ll hear more next time.
Ditch the Distractions (Yes, Even Your Phone)
Multitasking is a parent’s survival skill, but teens can tell when your eyes glaze over mid-conversation. Scrolling Instagram while nodding absent-mindedly sends a clear signal: “This reel is more interesting than you.”
If your teen wants to talk, make eye contact, put down your phone, and give them your full attention. You don’t need to sign a blood oath never to check your messages again, but a few distraction-free minutes can work wonders.
Don’t Press for Details They Aren’t Ready to Share
Some conversations are like cheese—the more you push, the more they crumble. If your teen clearly isn’t ready to talk about something, respect their space.
Reassure them: “I’m here if you want to talk, whenever you’re ready.”
This builds trust, and makes it more likely they’ll come to you with the big stuff, not just the easy wins.
Stop Bringing Up the Past (Again and Again)
Dragging out ancient history—remember that time you lied about the party in year nine?—is a surefire way to make your teen clam up.
Teens want to feel like each conversation is a fresh start, not a rerun of old arguments.
Focus on the present. If an issue needs addressing, do it in the here and now, and leave the family archives locked away (for now).
Remember, Connection Beats Perfection
No parent gets this right every time. There will be days when your best effort is met with a grunt and a door slam.
But every time you choose curiosity over criticism, patience over panic, and empathy over eye-rolling, you prove to your teen that you’re on their side.
Bit by bit, those brief exchanges—about dodgy cafeteria chips, revision woes, or the latest Netflix obsession—add up.
Suddenly, the kid who only emerged for snacks might surprise you with a real conversation (possibly even before midnight).
And if all else fails, there’s always biscuits. Never underestimate the power of a biscuit.
Keep the Kettle On
Relationships with teenagers are rarely straightforward, but there’s always room for a fresh start. Show up, listen, and keep the judgement to yourself (at least for now).
A warm cuppa, a well-timed snack, and a bit of patience might just be all you need to coax your teenager out of their shell—and into a chat that lasts longer than thirty seconds.
