Ever feel like your child has the empathy of a houseplant? (No shade to houseplants—they’re doing their best.)
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, can be tricky to spot in its early stages, especially when you’re juggling packed lunches, endless laundry, and the mystery of the missing left sock.
But catching the signs of low EQ early can make a world of difference for your child’s friendships, learning, and family life.
Here are seven signs that your child might need a little extra help in the emotional smarts department—and what you can do about it.
1. Struggles to Name Their Feelings
A classic red flag: the moment your child goes from zero to meltdown and can’t explain why they’re upset.
If their emotional vocabulary consists of “happy,” “mad,” and “hungry,” you might be witnessing the early signs of low EQ.
Children with higher emotional intelligence can usually describe what’s bugging them, even if the explanation is a little wonky. (“Mum, I feel prickly because my friend ignored me at snack time.”)
What helps? Start labelling emotions as they happen—yours and theirs. “I’m frustrated that we’re late.” Or, “It looks like you’re disappointed your tower fell down.”
You can even grab a set of emotion flashcards or read picture books that spotlight feelings. The more words your child learns, the less likely they are to communicate with a shriek and a flying biscuit.
2. Poor Frustration Tolerance
Ever seen your child abandon a puzzle at the first sign of trouble? Or maybe the board game pieces end up scattered under the sofa when they’re not winning.
A short fuse when things don’t go perfectly can signal low emotional resilience.
Kids with strong EQ know that frustration is part of the process (though no one likes it when the Monopoly bank runs out of fivers).
Children with lower EQ, on the other hand, often get overwhelmed by minor setbacks.
Set up some low-stakes challenges and stick close by—not to rescue, but to coach. Shrug and say, “That was tricky! What could you try differently?”
Normalize frustration. Try sharing stories from your own day about when things didn’t go as planned, and how you managed to muddle through.
3. Trouble Reading Other People
You’re at a playdate. Another child is quietly sniffling in the corner, and your lovely offspring is still cheerfully building a fortress, oblivious to the social storm brewing nearby.
Children struggling with emotional intelligence often miss social cues, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language.
Some kids need more explicit teaching here. Point out what you notice. “Look, Jamie’s crossing his arms and turning away. I think he might be upset.”
Pretend play is your friend. Use dolls, action figures, or even LEGO men to act out social scenarios and talk through what characters might be thinking and feeling.
And if you want backup, try apps like Peekapak or Social Express to practice reading emotions together.
4. Little Empathy for Others
If your child laughs when their sibling trips, or seems unmoved by a friend’s tears, don’t panic (yet).
Empathy is a skill, not a birthright, and it develops slowly—often well into adolescence for some. But a total absence of concern for others can point to lower EQ.
Encourage “perspective taking” by asking, “How do you think Olivia feels when her tower falls down?” or “What might help your friend feel better?”
Model empathy yourself, even if it’s just showing kindness to the neighbor’s cat or the checkout person at the shops.
Praise any small glimmer of empathy you spot: “I noticed you gave your brother your biscuit when he was sad. That was kind.”
Should you worry if your child is more Dennis the Menace than Daniel Tiger? Research shows that consistent modelling and practice can boost empathy, even in kids who start off indifferent.
5. Difficulty Owning Up to Mistakes
Low EQ kids often point fingers faster than a soap opera villain. Spilled juice? “The cup jumped!” Forgot to feed the dog? “He must’ve eaten already.”
Struggling to accept responsibility usually means a child finds it tough to handle shame, embarrassment, or guilt. Instead, they dodge the feeling by blaming someone (or something) else.
Gently guide them to name what happened, minus the drama. Try, “Everyone makes mistakes. What do you think we could do next time?”
Sharing stories of your own slip-ups—ideally the funny ones—can help demystify mistakes and teach your child that it’s okay to be imperfect.
A quick word of warning: avoid shaming. Shame shuts down learning faster than you can say “spilled Ribena on the rug.”
6. Overwhelmed by Big Feelings
All children have moments when their emotions seem bigger than their bodies.
But if your child gets swept away by every feeling—crying until they’re sick, or rage-quitting over tiny frustrations—this could be a sign they need help with emotional regulation.
A study in Child Development found that teaching self-regulation early made a measurable difference in children’s EQ as they grew.
Try simple breathing exercises, like “smell the flower, blow out the candle,” or create a “calm-down space” with soft toys and books.
Don’t forget, your own calm response is contagious (even if you’re faking it with every fibre of your being).
If meltdowns are the main event most days, check for sensory or developmental issues—sometimes big feelings have big causes.
7. Limited Interest in Team Play or Sharing
If the phrase “does not play well with others” was invented for your child, it might be more than just an independent streak.
Children with lower emotional intelligence may avoid group activities, struggle to share, or ignore the give-and-take of conversation.
This isn’t about forcing them into a conga line at every birthday party, but noticing patterns. Does your child avoid group games, or do they dominate play without listening to others?
Practice turn-taking games at home—yes, even if it means sitting through forty rounds of Snap with a grin.
Storytelling can help, too: read books where characters have to cooperate, and ask questions about how the characters feel and why.
Every child is unique, and some are just naturally less social.
If your child is content with a solo book and a biscuit, there’s no need to push for endless playdates. But if they seem sad or lost in social situations, a little EQ coaching goes a long way.
The Long Game: Raising Emotionally Savvy Kids
Emotional intelligence isn’t a switch you can flick on overnight. Some children take a little longer to find their emotional feet—and that’s perfectly normal.
The goal isn’t to raise a tiny therapist who can out-empathize the Dalai Lama, but to help your child understand themselves and others well enough to thrive in a messy, wonderful, unpredictable world.
Spotting low EQ early means you can start gently, playfully, and consistently supporting your child’s growth.
Whether it’s labelling feelings, modelling empathy, or breathing through big emotions together, every small step counts.
And if you ever feel unsure? Remember, houseplants don’t worry about emotional intelligence, and look how well they’re doing.
You’re already miles ahead.
