Parenting toddlers is not for the faint of heart, especially when you find yourself being micromanaged by someone wearing a superhero cape and mismatched socks.
If your offspring has the negotiation skills of a United Nations delegate and the bossiness of a middle manager with a caffeine addiction, you’re not alone.
The good news? There are ways to keep your cool, and maybe even enjoy the ride.
1. Breathe Like You’re at a Day Spa (Even if You’re in the Kitchen)
When your pint-sized boss issues a direct order—“Mum, don’t put the cheese THERE!”—it’s tempting to fire back or make cheese angels on the floor just to spite them.
But research from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence suggests that pausing to take a few slow, deep breaths can help you respond more thoughtfully (and less like a cheese-flinging toddler yourself).
Try this: Inhale deeply through your nose for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. Repeat a couple of times. It’s called box breathing, and Navy SEALs swear by it.
If it works for them, it might just help you survive the broccoli standoff.
Toss in a bit of visualization. Imagine you’re somewhere far away—a beach, a forest, a spa where no one shouts about who gets the blue cup. Even 15 seconds can give your brain the reset it desperately craves.
2. Label the Feelings—Theirs and Yours
Toddlers boss people around for a reason: They’re figuring out how much power they have in the world (spoiler: quite a lot).
According to child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, putting words to feelings helps both you and your child manage big emotions.
Try saying, “You really want to be in charge of where the teddy sits. That’s important to you!”
Not only does this show your child you understand, but it also buys you a little time to rein in your own feelings—before you relocate Teddy somewhere only a search party could find.
If you’re feeling flustered, you can share that too (with age-appropriate words): “I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by all these instructions. Can we take a deep breath together?” Toddlers soak up emotional language like a dry sponge in a puddle.
The more you model talking about feelings, the more they’ll learn to do it themselves (eventually…after a few years and several hundred deep breaths).
3. Offer Choices, Not Ultimatums
Bossy behaviour often comes from a craving for control, and toddlers have precious little of it in their lives.
The Harvard Center on the Developing Child highlights that offering structured choices can tame power struggles and foster cooperation.
Instead of “Put your shoes on now,” try “Would you like to wear your red shoes or your spotty wellies today?” Suddenly, your little CEO feels empowered.
Sure, you might end up with wellies on a sunny day, but that’s a small price for peace.
If your toddler’s requests have gone full ‘dictator at the podium’ (“No walking, only hopping!”), give them a say that doesn’t upend your entire routine. “Would you like to hop to the car or tiptoe like a mouse?”
Picking battles is the secret sauce of calm parenting. No one ever regretted letting their kid wear a superhero cape to Sainsbury’s.
4. Set Playful Boundaries
Saying “no” thirty times before breakfast can make anyone grouchy. Tossing a bit of playfulness into your boundaries can soften the blow for everyone.
Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, explains that humour and silliness are powerful tools for diffusing tension.
Your toddler wants you to sing ‘Wheels on the Bus’ for the 14th time before you’ve had coffee? Respond in opera. Or do your best robot impression.
Laughter has a way of ruffling the sharp edges off bossy demands and reminding everyone you’re on the same team (even if your team captain is three feet tall).
Of course, some boundaries are non-negotiable. “We can’t run across the road, but let’s see how fast we can walk like penguins.”
You’re not giving in, but you are making cooperation more fun. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a giggle instead of a meltdown.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Step Away (Yes, Really)
You don’t have to win every argument. Sometimes you just need to tap out—safely, of course. Your toddler will survive (and so will you) if you excuse yourself for a moment to reset.
Parenting expert Janet Lansbury suggests that stepping away from a heated moment models self-care and emotional regulation.
If your child is safe, say, “I need a moment to calm down. I’ll be back in a minute.” Pop into the loo, take a breath, splash your face, or send a silent SOS text to your co-parent.
You’re teaching your child that it’s alright to pause and care for yourself.
If you’re solo, stick your head out the back door for a lungful of fresh air or pop the kettle on for a quick cuppa. Even the shortest break can help you return with your patience (mostly) intact.
When You’ve Been Bossed One Too Many Times
Living with a bossy toddler is a bit like working for a very tiny manager who never clocks out and has no filter.
While you won’t stop the “No, you do it THIS way!” phase overnight, you can keep your cool and even find some laughs along the way.
Parenting experts agree—your calm is the secret ingredient. The more you practise these strategies, the more natural they become, and the less you’ll find yourself negotiating over sock colours at 7 a.m.
Sure, some days your zen will be nowhere in sight and the only thing keeping you going is the distant promise of bedtime. That’s normal.
Take heart: every “bossy” phase is also a sign of a growing, learning, fiercely independent person who, one day, might use those strong opinions for good.
Until then, breathe deep, keep the choices coming, and never underestimate the power of a silly walk to the car. You’ve got this—even if your toddler thinks they’re running the show.
