Kids may not come with instruction manuals (although wouldn’t that be handy?), but they do have their own quirky ways of signaling for help.
Sometimes, those signals are more Morse code than megaphone, especially when it comes to feelings.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is keeping their emotions under lock and key, you’re not alone.
Spotting emotional bottling isn’t about donning a deerstalker hat and declaring yourself the next parenting Sherlock.
It’s about noticing little shifts—those “hmm, that’s new” moments—that, over time, can add up.
Here are five telltale signs your child could be keeping their feelings tucked away, plus what you can do to help them open those jars.
1. Sudden Mood Swings or Irritability
Kids are emotional creatures, no doubt. One moment, they’re giggling at a joke that makes zero sense, the next, they’re sobbing because their banana broke in half.
But sometimes, a pattern emerges: more frequent outbursts, unexplained irritability, or a hair-trigger temper that’s new (or dialed up to eleven).
What’s happening here? When feelings don’t come out in words, they often pop out sideways—think tears over lost socks or a volcanic explosion because the peas touched the mash.
Child psychologists call this “emotional leakage,” and it’s as fun as it sounds (source). When the pressure builds up, even small frustrations can tip the scales.
What can you try tonight? Rather than zeroing in on the meltdown (“Why are you so upset about peas?”), offer a safe landing pad.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough day. Want to tell me about it, or should we just sit together for a bit?” Sometimes, just knowing you’re there is enough to crack the emotional jar open a smidge.
2. Withdrawing from Family or Friends
You might notice your usually chatty child is suddenly as talkative as a houseplant. The kid who once begged for playdates now claims they’re “fine” alone.
Maybe they’re retreating to their room, turning down invitations, or glued to a screen. Sometimes this looks like typical growing-up stuff, but a sharp change can signal bottled emotions.
Social withdrawal isn’t always about shyness or introversion (source). Often, it’s a sign your child is struggling with big feelings they can’t name—or fear will overwhelm them if they try.
Keeping interactions to a minimum becomes a kind of self-protection.
Tonight’s parenting hack: Skip the inquisition. Instead, try inviting your child to join you for an activity with zero emotional strings attached: baking, walking the dog, drawing together, or even just folding laundry (with the promise of biscuits after).
Shared time can create just enough comfort for the first words to tumble out, if and when they’re ready.
3. Physical Complaints with No Clear Cause
Some children’s bodies do the talking when their hearts or minds can’t.
Frequent headaches, stomach aches, or mysterious aches and pains—especially if they seem to crop up around school, social events, or bedtime—can be the body’s way of waving a white flag (source).
It’s not “faking it”—nobody would fake a Monday morning stomachache just to avoid algebra, right?
Well, the mind has a funny way of making stress feel physical. Kids may not have the language to say, “I’m overwhelmed,” but their bodies often do.
What’s a parent to do? Don’t brush off these complaints, but also don’t assume the worst. A gentle “You’ve had a lot of tummy aches lately. Is there anything on your mind?” can open a door.
If the symptoms continue or worsen, a visit to the GP is wise—sometimes a clean bill of health is the reassurance you both need to start the bigger conversation.
4. Over-the-Top Perfectionism or People-Pleasing
If your child suddenly insists on getting everything “just right”—homework with not a smudge, shoes lined up perfectly, or fixing minor mistakes with the urgency of a NASA engineer—take note.
Perfectionism, especially when it appears out of nowhere, can point to bottled-up anxiety or sadness (source).
Similarly, a child who becomes a chronic people-pleaser—agreeing to everything, hiding their own dislikes, or going to great lengths to avoid disappointing anyone—may be trying to keep the peace outside because there’s a storm brewing inside.
Kids might believe that if they’re “perfect,” nobody will notice their internal struggle.
How to help tonight: Encourage mistakes. Sounds odd, but a round of “Silly Drawing” (where everyone draws with their non-dominant hand) can be a brilliant way to show it’s OK to be imperfect.
Try sharing your own stories about messing up, and celebrate “trying” more than “getting it right.” The goal is to make home a safe space for wobbles of all sizes.
5. Reluctance to Talk About Feelings
A classic: You ask, “How was school?” and get grunts, shrugs, or the famous “fine.” Pushing for more just leads to the conversational equivalent of tumbleweeds.
While not every child is a born chatterbox, a marked unwillingness to talk about feelings—or a sudden change from oversharer to under-sharer—can be a red flag.
Children sometimes fear their emotions are “too much,” or they worry they’ll upset you. Others aren’t sure how to start, or they’ve learned that big feelings make grown-ups uncomfortable (source).
A trick to try: Name your own feelings, casually. “Today was a bit much for me—I felt a bit stressed and needed a big cup of tea.” This models healthy sharing without making it a big deal.
Some families find “feelings jars” helpful: everyone writes down something about their day (good, bad, or silly), drops it in the jar, and reads them together after dinner.
Even if your child rolls their eyes (bonus points if you get a groan), you’re showing that feelings can be shared safely.
When Bottled Emotions Start to Uncap
Spotting these signs isn’t about jumping to conclusions or panicking at every huff or sigh. Kids go through phases, and sometimes pea-related tantrums are just that—pea-related.
But when these patterns stick around, or when your gut tells you something’s brewing beneath the surface, it’s worth listening.
Above all, keep your door open—literally and metaphorically. Whether it’s a chat at bedtime, a doodle on the fridge, or a walk around the block, your calm presence is a silent invitation.
If your child seems truly overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to enlist help from a school counsellor, GP, or child psychologist. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can show our kids is how to ask for help.
You don’t have to get it right every time. You just have to keep showing up. And possibly, keep a stash of emergency biscuits handy—for both of you.
