Parenting and self-care: two words that get tossed around together like they’re a perfect couple, right?
Except one of them is usually hiding in the bathroom eating biscuits while the other is shouting through the door about missing socks.
If you’ve ever felt like ‘self-care’ is a glittery unicorn other people seem to own, you’re not alone.
Let’s peel back the curtain on five whoppers parents keep hearing—and believing—about taking care of themselves.
1. Self-care has to be an Insta-worthy ritual
If you believe the hype, self-care means sinking into a bubble bath surrounded by flickering candles, a glass of something chilled in one hand, and a face mask you ordered from the Himalayas in the other.
Meanwhile, your actual reality is more “trapped in the loo for eight minutes, dodging Lego death traps, scrolling through WhatsApp, and hoping no one notices.”
The truth?
Self-care is anything that helps you recharge—even if it’s not photogenic. A deep breath in the garden while the kettle boils, reading three pages of a book, or just finishing your coffee before it’s stone-cold absolutely counts.
Research from the Harvard Business Review suggests that micro-moments of self-care sprinkled through the day are just as effective as those sweeping, spa-like gestures. It’s about small, consistent acts that suit your life, not someone else’s highlight reel.
2. It’s selfish to put yourself first
Ah, the old chestnut: self-care equals selfishness.
Somewhere along the line, parents got the idea that doing anything for themselves means they’re robbing their family of precious time. The guilt! The drama! The martyr complex!
Actually, experts at Harvard Medical School say it’s the opposite. Taking time for yourself helps you show up as a better, more patient parent.
It’s a bit like checking your car’s oil. Ignore it long enough and you’re bound to break down on the hard shoulder (or shout about socks for the fifth time that morning).
So, put yourself on the calendar. Even if it’s just pencilling in 10 minutes to scroll TikTok, meditate, or eat that chocolate bar you hid behind the frozen peas.
Your kids need a parent, not a martyr.
3. You need lots of time and money to do self-care “properly”
This one is a classic. People picture self-care as booking a weekend away at a countryside spa, eating organic quinoa salad, or investing in an extensive collection of rose quartz rollers.
Lovely, sure—but not exactly practical when the closest you’ll get to a “weekend away” is sleeping diagonally in the kids’ bed because someone had a nightmare.
Research from the American Psychological Association confirms that the most effective forms of self-care are often free and simple.
Think: a brisk walk, a quick cuppa in the garden, a chat with a mate, or a dance around the kitchen to your favourite banger. Money and time are nice, not necessary.
If you’re pressed for both (show me a parent who isn’t), pick one tiny thing that brings you joy and do it as often as you can.
Wear your nice socks to the supermarket. Use the good shower gel. Phone a friend for five minutes and laugh about something silly your toddler said.
Every little bit helps.
4. If you can’t do it ‘right’, don’t bother
Somewhere out there lives a mythical parent who wakes at sunrise, meditates, goes for a 5k run, journals for 20 minutes, and whips up a green smoothie—all before the kids wake up.
The rest of us are just trying to remember if we brushed our teeth before the school run.
Self-care isn’t all-or-nothing, and there’s no such thing as doing it ‘right’.
If your reality involves squeezing in five minutes of deep breathing while waiting outside ballet class, that’s a win. If “me-time” is listening to a podcast during the nursery pick-up, congratulations, you’re doing self-care.
A study from the University of Oxford found that small, imperfect acts of self-kindness have a measurable impact on stress levels. The trick is consistency, not perfection.
Don’t let the quest for doing self-care ‘properly’ keep you from doing it at all.
5. Self-care means escaping from your family
There’s a sneaky little belief going around that self-care has to happen in solitude, away from your kids, partner, or anyone who can say the word “Mum” or “Dad” sixteen times in a row.
While solitude is golden (and rare!), connection can also be a powerful form of self-care.
A research found that parents who regularly engage in enjoyable activities with their children—board games, baking, even watching silly movies together—report higher wellbeing than those who don’t.
Sometimes, self-care looks like putting your phone away and belly-laughing over a game of charades. Or declaring a “pajama day” and watching three episodes of Bluey back-to-back.
Quality moments together build resilience for everyone. It’s not about running away from your family, but finding pockets of joy within it.
Small Wins, Big Impact
Self-care myths are stubborn things, but they crumble under the weight of real life and real research.
Busy mums and dads don’t need to wait for a spa day or a free hour—they need permission to claim small moments, guilt-free, whenever and wherever possible.
Tonight, try one tiny thing: the expensive tea, the playlist you love, two minutes of stretching before bed. Lower the bar and celebrate every effort, no matter how small or scruffy it looks.
Turns out, self-care for parents is less about Himalayan salts and more about taking the good where you find it—crumbs, chaos, and all.
