If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve heard it.
Maybe you’ve even said it: “Just follow your passion, sweetheart.” It sounds uplifting. Pure. Like something you’d find stenciled on a throw pillow at the shops.
But as advice for raising resilient, capable kids in a messy, unpredictable world? It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
This isn’t about squashing dreams or breeding cynics. Encouragement is good! Blind faith in passion as a life compass? Not so much. There’s a better way.
Here’s how to talk with your kids (and yourself) about what really matters.
The Passion Problem
“Follow your passion” has a lovely ring to it—like a Disney soundtrack. But most adults know life rarely moves in a straight line from what you love at age 12 to a mortgage-paying career.
The idea comes from a well-meaning place. We want our kids to be happy, fulfilled, and free from the grind.
Yet, research from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck suggests the ‘passion mindset’ can backfire.
Kids who buy into the myth are more likely to give up when things get tough or boring because, well, true passion should always feel…passionate, right?
If only.
The Myth of the “One True Passion”
Plenty of children (and adults, frankly) don’t have a single thing they’re burning to do for the rest of their lives. Some love art and coding. Others dabble in sports today and want to try drama next term.
This is normal. In fact, Yale professor Amy Wrzesniewski’s work shows that people who see their work as a “calling” often discover that calling gradually—through curiosity, effort, and good old-fashioned trial and error.
Not all firework careers start with one big bang.
When you tell kids “just follow your passion,” kids without a clear passion may worry they’re broken.
Spoiler: they’re not.
The real magic often comes from combining interests in weird ways or realizing you don’t have to be obsessed with your job to enjoy it or be good at it.
Passion Alone Can’t Pay the Bills
No one wants to be the killjoy who tells their child that their dream of becoming a professional yo-yo performer might not lead to a lucrative future. But financial realities exist.
A study from the Strada Education Network found that only 27% of college graduates work in a field related to their degree. The rest? They’re making it work, often in jobs they didn’t even see coming.
Passion is wonderful, but skill, opportunity, and a bit of economic savvy matter too. Otherwise, you get a generation of kids who feel like failures for not making a living from their eighth-grade hobby.
“Find Your Passion” Assumes a Fair World
Following your passion is a luxury not every child can afford. Kids from disadvantaged backgrounds are often told to seek out stability, health insurance, and jobs with a future.
When “just follow your passion” is touted as universal advice, it ignores the reality that not everyone is playing on the same field.
Kids notice this. They see their mates who have to get part-time jobs to help out at home. They hear stories about skyrocketing uni fees or the cost of a flat.
Telling them to follow passion alone can feel tone-deaf, even insulting.
Interest Can Grow with Effort
The most rewarding pursuits are often the ones that start as mild curiosity.
In a widely cited study from Yale, researchers found that interest isn’t always a lightning bolt—it can be cultivated through effort, practice, and a sense of progress.
Think about your own childhood. Did you love the recorder? Or did your parents bribe you to practice, and somewhere along the way, you found yourself actually enjoying music?
Sometimes, meaning and satisfaction follow effort—not the other way around.
What You Do Matters (and So Does How You Do It)
Kids are watching us. (Usually when we least want them to, like when we’re hiding in the loo for five minutes of quiet.) If they see us slogging through tasks just for a paycheck, passion advice rings hollow.
But if we show them that grit, curiosity, and responsibility can make even unglamorous jobs meaningful, we’re teaching them something more valuable: You can find purpose in how you approach your work, not just the work itself.
The Pressure to “Find Your Thing” Messes With Mental Health
The pressure to have a capital-P Passion can do a number on kids.
Social media, school, and well-meaning adults create the impression that success equals finding your unique calling and monetizing it by age 17.
Experts like Angela Duckworth, author of “Grit,” warn that this pressure can lead to anxiety, burnout, and feeling like a failure for being “ordinary.”
Ordinary is fine. Ordinary is healthy. Ordinary might even be the secret sauce for a happy life.
What Actually Helps Kids Thrive
Encouraging kids to try different things, muck about, and make mistakes builds resilience. Support them as they stumble through interests, help them build skills, and teach them how to ask for help when they’re stuck.
A Harvard study on adult development found that strong relationships and adaptability—not single-minded passion—are the best predictors of happiness.
Help your child notice what sparks curiosity, what feels rewarding after a bit of sweat, and where their talents match up with what the world needs.
Practical Ways to Support Your Child (and Keep Your Sanity)
Dinner table conversations can be a minefield, especially when career dreams are involved. Here are some alternatives to the usual “just follow your passion” routine:
- Ask what they enjoy, but also what challenges they faced and overcame today.
- Praise effort, experimentation, and growth, not just results or innate talent.
- Share stories about jobs you’ve had—the dull ones, the weird ones, the ones that surprised you.
- Encourage your child to take part-time work, volunteering, or side projects. Real-world experience teaches as much as any classroom.
- Remind them (and yourself) that changing direction is not failure—it’s learning.
Skill-Building Beats Passion-Pushing
Skill often creates passion. This means sticking with something through the awkward beginner phase, the “I’m rubbish at this” phase, and the “wait, I’m actually not half bad” phase.
When you help your child build competence, you nurture confidence, which sometimes leads to passion. At the very least, they’ll learn not to run for the hills the moment something gets tricky.
Help Them See the Bigger Picture
Not every activity has to be life-defining. Encourage your child to think about how their interests, skills, and values might overlap.
Sometimes, a so-so job supports a meaningful hobby. Sometimes, the ‘boring’ subjects at school turn out to be surprisingly useful later.
You don’t need a ten-year plan mapped out. (If you’ve got one, lend it to me. Mine’s mostly “survive until bedtime.”) Instead, teach your child to look for opportunities, seize them, and not panic if things go differently than expected.
Give Yourself a Break, Too
“Just follow your passion” may be lazy advice, but that doesn’t mean you need to have all the answers. Parenting is an improvisation. You’ll get some bits gloriously right and some hilariously wrong.
Your child will survive not having a perfectly curated career path at 15. The real gift is showing them how to adapt, grow, and embrace a bit of uncertainty with their head held high.
Passion Is Overrated—Curiosity and Grit Win Every Time
Passion is nice, but it’s not a plan. Nor is it a guarantee of happiness, success, or even a steady paycheque.
Kids need room to wander, try things, and make the odd glorious mess.
Help them build skills, resilience, and an appetite for lifelong learning. Show them that meaning comes from how we live, not just what we chase.
And if all else fails, nothing says “I support you no matter what” like a cuppa at the kitchen table after a long day—no passion required.
