You’re at the checkout with your offspring, the essentials, and the faint hope of an uneventful exit. Suddenly, your child’s entire body morphs into an air-raid siren, limbs akimbo, lungs at full capacity.
Other shoppers glance over, eyebrows somewhere near their hairlines. Tantrum alert. If only there were hazard lights for parents.
Every parent finds themselves in tantrum territory, usually when the stakes—and the audience—are highest.
While there’s no magical mute button (scientists, are you listening?), there are plenty of ways to steer clear of making things worse.
Ready to tackle tantrums with a little more confidence and a bit less sweat? Let’s get to what not to do.
Don’t Try Reasoning With a Tiny Tornado
When your child is wailing on the floor, explaining that “we don’t eat biscuits before dinner” is about as effective as lecturing a hurricane.
Young children, especially toddlers, aren’t equipped to process logic once their emotions take the wheel.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, tantrums spike when kids are overwhelmed and unable to express themselves, not because they lack understanding of the rules.
Trying to talk them down using facts or reminders in these moments only tends to fuel the fire. Save the thoughtful discussions for calmer waters.
Right now, you’re dealing with a wave, not a calm sea.
Don’t Lose Your Cool
Easier said than done—especially when you’re attempting to peel your child off the supermarket floor and your blood pressure is threatening to break land speed records.
But yelling or snapping often turns a solo performance into a duet of distress.
Studies highlight that children learn emotional regulation by mirroring adults, so if you respond with thunder, they’ll likely dial up their own storm.
Take a breath. Count to five. Channel your inner yoga instructor.
You can scream into a pillow later.
Don’t Bribe Mid-Tantrum
The temptation to wave a chocolate bar or iPad in the air is strong. Anything for peace, right?
But mid-tantrum negotiations teach little ones that dramatic displays are the express route to treats—an unfortunate lesson for your future self. Child development experts warn against turning tantrums into bargaining sessions.
If you want to reward positive behavior, wait until calm returns. Right now, keep your poker face and avoid offering up incentives to stop the storm.
Don’t Threaten Consequences You Won’t Enforce
“Do that one more time and we’re leaving the park for a whole month!”
We’ve all been there, but unless you’re truly prepared to cancel outdoor fun for four weeks, avoid dishing out threats you can’t or won’t follow through on.
Empty threats erode trust in your words. Kids are remarkably savvy, and they’ll quickly figure out when your promises (or warnings) don’t carry any real weight.
Don’t Take It Personally
It can feel like your child is throwing a tantrum at you—especially when it arrives at precisely the wrong moment. The truth is, tantrums aren’t acts of rebellion or signs you’ve failed as a parent.
They’re a normal part of child development, peaking between ages 1 and 3, as highlighted here. Your child isn’t plotting against your sanity. (At least, not yet.)
Try to see it for what it is: a child overwhelmed by emotion, not a personal attack on your shopping trip or parenting skills.
Don’t Ignore All Tantrums
You’ve probably heard advice urging you to ignore tantrums completely. While sometimes that’s the right move (especially if the tantrum’s an obvious bid for attention), ignoring every outburst isn’t always best.
If your child is scared, hurt, hungry, or truly in distress, stepping in with comfort and support is essential.
Knowing when to offer a cuddle and when to let the storm blow out is a parental art form, not a science. Trust your instincts—and your knowledge of your child.
Don’t Crowd or Embarrass
The old “public shaming” approach—standing over a child while reciting their offenses for all to hear—rarely ends well. Children feel big emotions in small bodies, and adding an audience usually makes things worse.
If possible, move to a quieter spot, or crouch down to your child’s level.
Sometimes just being present, at their eye line, shows your child that you’re in their corner, even if you’re not on their side right now.
Don’t Forget About Triggers
Tantrums might seem to come out of nowhere, but often they’re the result of tiredness, hunger, overstimulation, or frustration.
If a meltdown seems out of character, think back: Did someone skip a nap? Has food been missing in action for a few hours? Did you just try to fit in four errands when you both had petrol for two?
Identifying patterns can help you head off future explosions—sometimes the best tantrum strategy is a well-timed snack and a bit of empathy.
Don’t Heap On the Shame
“Big kids don’t act like this.” “You’re embarrassing me.” Shaming phrases might slip out, especially when you’re frazzled, but they stick in little minds.
According to a recent study, shaming can fuel future behavioral problems and anxiety.
Everyone has big emotions sometimes (even grown-ups—just ask anyone who’s ever been stuck in traffic). A little compassion, even when it’s hard, goes a long way.
Don’t Assume Tantrums Mean Bad Parenting
Here’s the real kicker: every child throws a wobbly at some point. Tantrums are part of healthy development, not evidence you’ve gone wrong somewhere along the way.
The mum at playgroup with the “perfect” toddler? She’s had her fair share of floor dramas too.
If you’re worried about tantrum frequency or intensity, talking to a paediatrician or child psychologist can be helpful. Otherwise, remind yourself: you’re not alone, and your child isn’t broken. (Neither are you.)
When the Sirens Fade
The storm will pass, even if it doesn’t feel like it in aisle three with a crowd gathering.
Handling tantrums isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about surviving the moment and offering a steady hand through the chaos.
Your child is learning to feel, to cope, and to lean on you when the world feels too big or unfair. That’s the real work of parenting, tantrums and all.
Tea, anyone?
