Dating as a single mother can be difficult, especially because you have your son to think about. When you’ve finally met someone special to enter your life, it is important for them to get along with your son – the two of you are sort of a package deal. However, what should you do if these two important people in your life don’t see eye to eye? There are possible reasons that can explain why your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son.
Boyfriends can have a few reasons why they get annoyed with your son. For one, he might not like kids in general. He could also be insecure when he sees your son, or maybe he’s just an impatient person. On the other hand, your son might also be instigating the problem. Children often act out when their mothers are dating new men. This could be because they still cling to the hope that you’ll get back together with his biological dad or that he’s feeling left behind.
This article will discuss the common possible reasons why your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son, as well as possible steps to take to address those reasons.
Boyfriend Doesn’t Like Kids
One of the simplest reasons why your boyfriend gets annoyed at your son quickly can be that he simply doesn’t like kids. When dating as a single mother, it is important to let future suitors know right away that you have a child. There are some men out there that are in the dating scene for something less serious, thus it is understandable why some men might not be too fond of dating women with kids.
Today, more and more people are less likely to be interested in having kids. A 2021 survey found that 44% of people ages 18 to 49 responded to being unlikely to have children in the future. Perhaps your boyfriend finds himself within the same demographic.
Assuming you told him about your son at the beginning of the relationship and he expressed that he was okay with it, him not liking your son could be an early sign of concern. It might be that your boyfriend initially thought he could handle dating someone with a son. You might have to use your critical judgment if you believe he is capable of fully accepting the fact.
Boyfriend is Insecure
It is also possible that your boyfriend actually likes kids. In fact, he might even want to have kids with you. If your boyfriend is okay with kids but gets annoyed with your son, that may be a sign of insecurity.
While you are in a relationship with someone, it is important to keep looking ahead into the future as both parties see themselves together down the road. However, if your boyfriend is insecure, he might be having trouble with your son as your son reminds him of your past.
Aside from being annoyed with your son, does your boyfriend check your phone? Does he trust you when you go out late with your friends? Does he allow you to be your own person apart from him? If he’s showing other problematic signs, then your boyfriend is possibly insecure in the relationship. Insecurity can be a difficult emotion to experience, and he might be taking it out on your son.
Boyfriend is Impatient
Maybe your boyfriend loves kids. Maybe he has totally accepted your past. If that’s the case, why is it that he gets annoyed at your son? Another simple reason could be that he’s simply impatient.
Taking care of children is a monumental task – a skill parents have to learn on the job. You may have become accustomed to living with your son since he was born. However, your boyfriend is coming into this with a new perspective. He might be new to having a child around in the house. If so, he might just not have developed the necessary patience yet that is required to deal with children.
It is important for you to determine if he’s just impatient with the child or if he’s impatient in general. Look back at the time you’ve had together. Has he ever been impatient with you? Does he have a short temper? Does he get mad easily? If that’s simply his personality, you might want to reassess where you stand in this relationship. If you think he is indeed patient, then perhaps he just needs more time to adjust to having a child around.
Son is Being Annoying
Conflict is hardly one-sided, and you should determine if your son has anything to do with how your boyfriend is acting.
It is common to have children be disrespectful and mean towards their mothers’ boyfriends. This is especially true if their biological fathers are still in the picture and are active in their lives.
Your son might be acting out because your boyfriend is new to both of your lives. Your son might be testing the waters and seeing how much control he has over the new situation. Understandably, children might not yet be emotionally mature to accept that their parents are not together. Children of divorce still often find themselves fantasizing about a future where their mom and dad are back together. Thus, it should come as no surprise why they may act out against someone who is actively against that fantasy.
Talk with Your Boyfriend
When you’re having problems with how your boyfriend treats your son, then you might need to pull your boyfriend aside and give him a talk.
Since your son is an important part of your life, you need to address this issue as soon as possible if you want your boyfriend to be a part of your life as well. Thus, you need to have an open line of communication with your boyfriend about this issue.
Firstly, ask him if he’s even aware of his behavior. There is a chance that he doesn’t even know how he’s been treating your son. If this is the case, pointing it out should already be a good step in the right direction.
If he responds that he is aware of his behavior, then it’s important for you to find out the root cause of such behavior. Finding out the root cause of his behavior will give you the necessary information to address it.
If your boyfriend just doesn’t like kids, you’ll have to tell him that your son is non-negotiable. If he wants to keep dating you, he’d have to accept that your son comes along for the journey too. If he agrees, you should give him a time-frame so that you could reassess afterward if he had indeed changed for the better. However, there are some people that cannot be forced into liking kids.
If your boyfriend is insecure about your son, then you will have to exert a little more effort when it comes to reassuring him. Let him know that you had your son with a different man but that it doesn’t change the fact that you’re with him now. Tell him that you are with him in the present and that you want him to be part of the future too. You’re not thinking of the past and he shouldn’t too.
If your boyfriend is just impatient, then let him know about that trait of his. Tell him that he cannot be impatient when it comes to you and your son. He will have to treat you and your son with the respect you deserve, thus he should think twice when his temper is getting the best of him.
Whatever your boyfriend’s issue is, the best way to deal with it straight is by communicating. It could very well be possible that all this is just a misunderstanding. However, you’ll never know until you talk to him.
Talk with Your Son
If you’ve rooted the problem in your son being the uncooperative one in the relationship, then you will have to give him the talk instead.
Depending on how old your son already is, it might be difficult to fully explain your situation to him. Regardless, you will have to try your best to explain how things are from now on.
It’s not as easy as simply telling him to move on since you’ll never get back with his biological father. Shattering his hopes will not do you any good. The situation has to be handled with care. Instead of telling him you’re not getting back with his father, let him know how happy you are with your new boyfriend. Let your son know how happy your boyfriend makes you and that it is important for you that he likes your boyfriend too.
It is also possible that your son is feeling left behind with you seeing a new person. In this case, make an effort to make him feel like part of the relationship. His dad already left the family, your son might be scared his mom would leave too seeing you with a new man.
Regardless of your son’s age, it is best to talk to him in a mature manner. While this may not be the best-case scenario, this is the scenario you’re in. Thus, you will have to work with the hand you’re dealt.