Ever had that creeping suspicion you might just be a bit too into your own opinions, or noticed a lack of gold stars from your family lately? Welcome, friend.
Self-reflection used to be optional, but now that the kids are watching our every move like pint-sized detectives, it’s got a funny way of showing up at the most inconvenient times.
Panic not. Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum; everyone has them to some degree.
The trick is knowing when a little “me time” is healthy, and when it’s turning into “my way or the highway” (complete with melodramatic sighs at the dinner table).
Why Bother Checking In With Yourself?
Parenting comes with a built-in audience, and those impressionable little people are learning from everything you say, do, and side-eye.
Developing self-awareness doesn’t just keep your relationships ticking along; it models the kind of emotional intelligence we hope our kids will pick up along the way.
Plus, nobody wants to be the star of their family’s WhatsApp group chat for all the wrong reasons.
What Narcissism Actually Looks Like (It’s Not Always Obvious)
Old-school narcissism conjures up images of someone preening in front of the mirror, fishing for compliments about their hair (even if it’s mostly dry shampoo).
The reality is usually subtler—more emotional than physical. Narcissism involves patterns like entitlement, lack of empathy, craving admiration, manipulativeness, and sometimes a curious inability to say “my bad” without the world ending.
These traits can sneak into our parenting, often disguised as “I just want what’s best” or “I know what’s right.” (See also: “Because I said so.”)
Self-Examination With Kids Around: Mission Impossible?
Every parent has moments where humility and patience seem about as rare as a matching sock. But if you’re up for a gentle audit of your own quirks, here’s where to start.
Mirror, Mirror: Signs You Might Be Leaning a Bit Narcissistic
Reluctance to Accept Fault (Ever)
If apologies only leave your lips after a United Nations-level negotiation—or if “I was wrong” is usually followed by a “but you made me…” clause—this could point to trouble.
Narcissistic tendencies thrive on being right, sometimes at the cost of genuine connection.
Try this tonight: Next time you lose your cool or make a mistake (and we all do), offer a simple, unqualified apology to your child or partner. Notice how it feels.
Will it kill you? No. Will it kill your pride a little? Possibly.
But it’s a powerful antidote to narcissistic patterns, and research suggests kids who see their parents apologize tend to develop stronger emotional intelligence themselves.
A Need for Constant Validation (And a Tantrum When It’s Missing)
Nothing wrong with enjoying praise.
But if you find yourself deflated or snippy because no one noticed your perfectly diced carrots or the fact that you survived another day of school drop-off without a parking ticket, it’s time to check your expectations.
Instead of relying on your family for a round of applause, try giving yourself an internal high-five. Self-validation is a skill, and a necessary one when parenting with narcissistic tendencies in check.
Plus, your kids will soon start copying your attitude: less about the gold stars, more about the quiet wins.
Taking Up All the Air in the Room
Ever caught yourself storytelling like you’re on a late-night talk show, only to realize no one else has spoken for eight minutes? Do family conversations swing around to your experiences no matter where they start?
While it feels nice to share, dominating every conversation can be a sign of narcissism.
Tonight at the dinner table, ask your child a question and let them answer in full—even if their story about a bug on the playground is the conversational equivalent of watching paint dry.
Your patience (and listening face) is teaching them that everyone’s voice matters, not just the loudest.
Struggling With Empathy When It’s Inconvenient
We all have those days when compassion feels thin on the ground—especially after bedtime negotiations or when someone’s tipped out the Lego.
But if your knee-jerk reaction to your child’s sadness, your partner’s stress, or your friend’s venting is annoyance or boredom, consider why.
Empathy isn’t always spontaneous; sometimes it’s a conscious choice. Try this: The next time you’re tempted to dismiss or minimize your child’s feelings (think “You’ll be fine” or “That’s nothing to cry about”), pause.
Reflect their feelings back, even if you don’t quite understand. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the temperature drops.
Seeing Your Child as an Extension of Yourself
Proud parent moments are wonderful. But if your sense of achievement or self-worth is tied up in your child’s grades, sports trophies, or “good behaviour,” it’s time to pause.
Narcissistic parents often blur the lines between their own success and their child’s, putting unfair pressure on both parties.
Instead, celebrate your child’s quirks and interests—even when they baffle you. Maybe their passion is more “worm farming” than “football hero.”
Your job is to cheer them on, not live vicariously through their trophies (or lack thereof).
Double Standards: One Set of Rules for You, Another for the Rest
Ever declared “no screens before bed” while scrolling your own phone under the duvet? It’s a classic move, but when it becomes a pattern, it signals narcissistic thinking: the rules apply to everyone else, but not to me.
Tonight, model the rule yourself. If you slip up, own it. Your willingness to play by the same rules builds trust and respect, which beats any power trip.
Overreacting to Criticism—Even Gentle or Loving Feedback
If your partner or child points out something you could do differently and your immediate reaction is to bristle, deflect, or launch into a monologue about your intentions, this merits a closer look.
Constructive criticism is uncomfortable for most people, but those with narcissistic streaks can find it excruciating. Practicing gratefulness for feedback (yes, really) turns criticism into a growth opportunity, not a family argument.
If you find yourself about to bite back, take a breath and thank the person instead. It’s harder than it sounds, but it works.
Keeping Score in Relationships
Do you mentally tally up how many times you’ve emptied the dishwasher, made dinner, or been the “fun parent,” expecting a proportional return on your investment?
Narcissistic patterns often show up as transactional thinking: “I did X, so you owe me Y.”
Try shifting from scorekeeping to generosity. Not only does this make for a happier household, but studies suggest it’s also a great way to break out of a narcissistic rut.
Generosity doesn’t mean being a martyr; it just means you’re not keeping tabs.
Overestimating Your Parenting Skills (and Dismissing Others’ Input)
Every parent likes to think they know best.
But if you routinely dismiss your partner’s ideas, shoot down advice from teachers, or ignore your child’s requests for autonomy, you might be veering into narcissistic territory.
This week, try this experiment: ask for input on a parenting dilemma and genuinely consider the answers—even if you disagree. You’ll model collaboration and humility, both skills more valuable than being “right.”
Why This Matters for Your Kids
Kids raised by parents with unchecked narcissistic traits can end up struggling with boundaries, self-esteem, and emotional resilience.
Research shows children need to feel seen and respected as individuals, not as stand-ins for their parents’ egos.
Creating a home where emotions are respected (even the messy ones), rules are fair, and mistakes are opportunities for growth sets your child up for future healthy relationships.
And, not incidentally, makes for far fewer door slams.
Making Change as a Busy Parent
Self-awareness is a skill—and like all skills, it improves with practice. You don’t need a silent retreat or a therapist on speed dial (but if you can manage either, go for it). Try these quick checks tonight:
- Ask your partner or a close friend for honest feedback. Listen without interrupting.
- Notice your first reaction to your child’s emotions. Is it curiosity, or dismissal?
- Reflect on a recent family disagreement. Did you allow others’ perspectives, or bulldoze through?
Progress comes in small, sometimes awkward steps. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s a bit more humility, a bit more connection, and a lot less drama over who finished the biscuits.
For the Record: You’re Not a Monster
Spotting narcissistic traits in yourself doesn’t mean you’re doomed or unworthy. Every parent struggles with ego from time to time—it’s called being human (and sometimes, being sleep-deprived).
What matters is the willingness to notice, course-correct, and keep showing up with as much authenticity as you can muster—even if you’re running on caffeine and hope.
What Happens Next
Self-reflection isn’t always comfortable, but it pays off—tenfold. Your kids will benefit, your relationships will deepen, and you just might feel a bit lighter (if not a bit smug… in a healthy way).
Not keen on navel-gazing? Consider this: Paying attention to your less-than-perfect moments, laughing at yourself, and trying again tomorrow is the best legacy you can give your kids.
And possibly the best way to survive another round of “Mum, watch this!” without losing your mind.
Onward, brave parent. The cold tea will wait.
