If only there were a gigantic neon sign reading, “Mum loves you!” or “Dad’s bananas about you!” that hovered over our children’s heads. Life would be simpler, wouldn’t it?
Alas, parenting tends to come with more laundry than neon. Love—though ever-present in your heart—sometimes struggles to make it past the school run, spilled juice, and bedtime negotiations.
But here’s the good news: Even on the busiest of days, your love can shine through, brighter than a toddler’s socks after a mysterious art project.
Love Isn’t a Guessing Game
Most parents assume their affection is obvious. A roof overhead, dinner on the table, and the occasional “I love you”—surely that’s enough? Children, though, are not mind readers.
Psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, famous for The 5 Love Languages of Children, points out that every child understands and feels love in their own way. Some need words, others crave hugs, some light up when you simply listen.
Here’s how you can make your love loud and clear, even if all you have energy for most nights is collapsing in front of a re-run with a cuppa.
Making Time When Time is Short
Quality trumps quantity—yes, you’ve heard it before, but it’s true. Five distracted minutes won’t stick in a child’s memory, but ten minutes of focused attention? That’s gold.
Put down your phone, turn off the telly, and offer your child the most precious thing you have: undivided attention.
Ask about their day, even if you only get grunts. Engage with their favorite game, even if it involves fifty-seven plastic dinosaurs invading your living room.
These pockets of undistracted connection remind your child they matter, even when life’s calendar looks like a game of Tetris gone wrong.
Words Really Do Matter
Some of us grew up in homes where “I love you” was an annual event, like Christmas dinner. Or, it was implied—hidden beneath “Did you remember your jumper?”
Saying it out loud, daily, makes a world of difference.
Praise their efforts, not just their results. “I saw how hard you tried with your spelling,” carries more weight than “Good job.” Be specific: “I love the way your laugh fills the kitchen.”
Your voice is the soundtrack of their self-worth.
And yes, teenagers roll their eyes. Say it anyway.
Touch: More Powerful Than You Think
Physical affection isn’t just for toddlers. Research from the Child Mind Institute confirms that hugs, snuggles and even quick squeezes can lower stress, boost happiness, and reinforce security.
Littlies want to crawl on your lap, but older children need connection too—think shoulder squeezes, ruffling hair, or a side-hug in the kitchen when no one’s watching.
For those with teens who treat hugs like a contagious disease, a playful nudge during a joke or a high-five after football can work wonders.
Rituals: Small, Predictable Acts of Love
Rituals tell your child, “You matter enough for this to be our thing.” Bedtime stories, secret handshakes, Sunday pancakes, or singing that one off-key song every morning—these repeated actions become safe harbours.
According to child development experts at Harvard, rituals can foster resilience and strengthen family bonds.
If your work schedule is bananas, pick micro-rituals. A joke at breakfast, a quick walk around the block after dinner, or sending a funny note in their lunchbox.
Listening Like You Mean It
It’s tempting, after a long day, to half-listen while scanning emails or sorting the laundry. Children can spot a distracted parent faster than you can say “screen time.”
When your child wants to talk, give them the same respect you’d offer a friend sharing a secret.
Make eye contact, nod, repeat back what you heard. Validate their feelings, even if their crisis seems pint-sized compared to grown-up worries. “That sounds really tough,” or “I get why you’re upset,” goes a lot further than “You’ll be fine.”
Apologising and Owning Your Mistakes
No parent is perfect. Not even close.
Sometimes we snap, forget a promise, or, in the case of yours truly, accidentally throw out that ‘priceless’ cereal box rocket. The way you handle your slips speaks volumes.
A sincere apology teaches humility, respect, and—most importantly—that your child is worthy of respect. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I’m sorry.”
This has more impact than any parenting book on your shelf.
Showing Up, Even in Small Ways
You don’t need to attend every bake sale or coach football to show up for your child. Sometimes, being there for a wobbly tooth at 3 a.m., a science project meltdown, or a quick pep talk before a test is enough.
Research from the University of Illinois highlights that it’s not about being present at every event, but about being reliably available when a child needs support the most.
Small, consistent gestures of presence beat grand gestures that rarely happen.
Letting Them Be Themselves
Love isn’t just about applause for good grades or trophies; it’s about accepting your child in all their quirky, glorious messiness. Celebrate their weird jokes, unique interests, and even their moody silences.
Give them space to become who they are, not who you hope they’ll be.
This unconditional acceptance is the backbone of self-confidence, and it’s the love that lingers long after the school years are a fond (and slightly blurry) memory.
Words Aren’t Your Only Tool
For some, everyday life feels like a sprint between work, dinner, and bath time. Even if words get tangled or time is tight, small actions speak louder than grand declarations.
Leave a silly doodle on a napkin. Slip their favorite snack into their backpack. Relinquish the last slice of pizza. Children know.
Your actions are a love letter they read every day.
Adapting as They Grow
The ways children receive love change as they grow. What works for a five-year-old rarely works for a fifteen-year-old.
Adapt, and let your child show you how they want to be loved. Ask outright: “What makes you feel most cared for?” Even if the answer is “buy me a puppy,” the conversation opens doors.
Stay curious. Keep trying. Parenting is a bit like trying to assemble flat-pack furniture without the manual—sometimes you discover a new way of fitting the pieces together.
The Magic in Ordinary Moments
Children remember the jokes, the tickles, the time you watched their favourite show for the hundredth time. These moments, so small they barely register in the rush of the day, add up to a patchwork of love.
Love isn’t always grand or Instagram-worthy. Often, it’s messy, unfiltered, and quietly magical.
Your child won’t remember every detail, but they’ll remember how you made them feel: safe, seen, and adored.
Sending Love, Even on Tough Days
Every parent has days where love feels stretched thin—when patience is shorter than your child’s attention span. On those days, forgive yourself.
Love isn’t measured in perfection, but in showing up, again and again, even when you feel like hiding in the loo with chocolate.
You are your child’s favourite grown-up, even when you’re not feeling your best. That’s love, plain and simple.
Making Love Visible Is the Real Gift
Long after the toys are outgrown and the bedtime stories are replaced with Spotify playlists, your child will carry the feeling of being cherished. Not because you were perfect, but because you made your love impossible to miss.
And if you’re ever in doubt? Just ask them what makes them feel loved.
The answer may surprise you—and you might discover that you’re doing an even better job than you think.
Now, off you go. The world’s messiest, loudest, most rewarding job is waiting.
