If there’s one thing guaranteed to spark family debate, it’s the question of whether kids should earn their pocket money by scrubbing toilets.
Or, more realistically, whether the prospect of earning two pounds for clearing their own socks off the stairs counts as a solid life lesson or simply desperate bribery.
The “money for chores” model is wildly popular—and yet, it just might be short-changing your child (and you).
Here’s a closer look at why separating chores and allowance could be the secret sauce for raising responsible, financially savvy humans who can both load a dishwasher and balance a budget, no threats required.
Chores Are About Contribution, Not Commerce
Every family needs a team effort to keep the engine running, and that means everyone—grown-ups, teens, and even the five-year-old with questionable sweeping skills.
Linking chores to cash turns what should be a basic responsibility into a business transaction. Before long, you may find yourself haggling over the going rate for taking out the bins.
Worse yet, it can send the message that pitching in is negotiable—if the price is right.
Family therapist Michele Borba, Ed.D., has long argued that chores aren’t about earning money at all. They’re about learning that everyone in the house pulls their weight.
When helping out is seen as the cost of being part of a family, kids internalise a sense of belonging and shared responsibility.
You’re not raising little employees. You’re raising flatmates who can eventually move out and not be banned from share houses for leaving dirty plates in the sink.
Allowance Should Teach Money Management, Not Pay for Services
Pocket money is a brilliant tool for teaching financial literacy.
It gives children the chance to make decisions—sometimes awkward ones, like whether to blow everything on novelty erasers at the school book fair or save for something meaningful.
When allowance is tied to chores, the focus shifts from budgeting and saving to simply doing the minimum to get paid.
Kids may see money as something you only get if you perform specific tasks, rather than as a resource to manage thoughtfully.
Behavioural economist Ron Lieber, author of “The Opposite of Spoiled,” points out that separating chores from allowance allows for real-world lessons: kids can learn to make choices, deal with consequences, and even mess up in small, manageable ways—long before a direct debit bounces in adulthood.
Avoiding the ‘What’s in It for Me?’ Trap
Ever ask a child to do something and get a response that sounds suspiciously like a disgruntled customer at a dodgy market stall? “How much will you give me for making my bed?” “What do I get if I take the dog out?”
Paying for chores plants the seeds for this attitude. Suddenly, every act of cooperation is up for negotiation.
Forget about asking for a favour out of kindness or pitching in because it’s the right thing to do. The new family mantra quickly becomes, “Show me the money.”
In the long run, this can zap the instinct to help others just because help is needed.
Kids may become experts at cost-benefit analysis (“If I fold the laundry, I can buy new Roblox skins!”) but miss the quiet satisfaction of being useful for its own sake.
Consistency Beats Negotiation Fatigue
Parents are busy. No one gets into this gig for the admin.
Linking cash to chores adds a layer of tracking, arguing, and micro-accounting you didn’t sign up for. You’ll need to remember who did what, when, and whether it was up to scratch.
There will be audits. There will be appeals.
A separate, reliable allowance—paid weekly or monthly, rain or shine—removes this headache. Everyone knows the household expectations, and everyone knows when their pocket money appears.
No one’s asking for a performance bonus each time they clear the table.
Chores Build Character… When They’re Non-Negotiable
Family researchers at the University of Minnesota found that children who regularly participate in chores develop stronger work ethics and greater empathy for others.
The key word? Regularly. Not “whenever I want to earn a fiver.”
When chores are just part of the fabric of daily life—like brushing teeth or feeding the cat—kids learn grit, responsibility, and the not-so-glamorous business of following through.
There’s also a certain magic in children realising that, even if no one is clapping for them, they’re still expected to empty the dishwasher. The applause, it turns out, is optional.
Allowance as an Opportunity for Real-World Lessons
No one wants to see their child go splurge-crazy and spend their entire week’s pocket money on slime, only to show up at the next school disco penniless and sticky.
But these moments are golden—they teach lessons that stick harder than dried PVA glue.
If you hand over pocket money without strings attached, your kids will have the chance to make mistakes and face the (very low-stakes) consequences.
Forgot to save for the class trip? Sorry, mate—that’s how budgets work.
This method has been shown to foster better money habits in adulthood, as detailed in a T. Rowe Price Parents, Kids & Money Survey, which reported that children who regularly receive an allowance, separate from chores, are more likely to discuss finances openly and manage money more wisely as adults.
What About Motivation?
Plenty of parents worry that, without a cash carrot, the bins may overflow and the sheets will never get changed again. It’s a fair concern.
But consider this: there are other ways to motivate kids that don’t require an exchange rate. Family routines, clear expectations, and a healthy dose of positive feedback can go a long way.
Sincere praise (“You did a cracking job on those floors!”) or a special treat now and then can be as powerful as a pound coin.
And if a child flat-out refuses to do their share, natural consequences work wonders. No clean laundry? No clean shirts.
Sometimes life is the best teacher.
How to Separate Chores from Allowance—Without a Mutiny
Worried your kids will revolt if you stop paying for chores? Here’s how to make the shift without a household uprising:
Start by having an open conversation. Explain that chores are simply part of living together, while allowance is for learning about money.
Be honest: “We’re not running a hotel. Everyone pitches in. And yes, you still get your pocket money.”
Set clear expectations. Create a basic chore chart that spells out who does what, when. Stick it on the fridge and refer to it as often as needed.
Hand out allowance regularly, without attaching it to chore completion. If your child slacks off, address the behaviour directly (“We noticed you skipped your turn with the hoover. Let’s fix that.”).
Don’t withhold money as punishment, unless you’re dealing with truly spectacular misbehaviour—think, flooding the kitchen by ‘washing’ the dog in the sink.
For older kids itching to earn extra dosh, offer “bonus” opportunities. These jobs should be above-and-beyond tasks—cleaning the garage, weeding the garden, or washing the car.
Let them negotiate pay for these, just like they would with a neighbour or future boss.
When Kids Want More Money—the Art of Negotiation
As children get older, their financial needs and wants multiply, usually at the same rate as their feet. Suddenly, Saturday cinema trips, phone credit, and birthday presents for friends appear on the radar.
This is a brilliant time to talk about budgeting. Work together to decide what’s included in their allowance and what isn’t. “We cover school lunches, but if you want that new hoodie, it comes out of your pocket money.”
Hand over a little more and let them practice real-world spending choices—before the stakes are too high.
But My Child Won’t Do Chores Unless There’s Cash!
It’s a common refrain, and yes, it can get ugly before it gets better.
The trick is consistency and patience. Kids are clever negotiators, and they’ll test boundaries if there’s even a whiff of weakness.
Hold your ground, channel your inner headteacher, and keep the message clear: chores are not for sale.
If you’re dealing with a particularly stubborn child, try family meetings where everyone (including parents) nominates a chore they actually don’t mind doing. Swapping jobs sometimes makes the whole thing less painful.
Remember, you’re playing the long game.
The goal isn’t a perfectly spotless house. It’s a home where everyone understands the value of work, the joy of cooperation, and the basics of budgeting.
The Long-Term Payoff
Picture your future adult child. Will they be the one who pitches in at uni without being asked? The mate who brings bin bags to the barbecue?
The employee who doesn’t grumble about group tasks? Separating chores from allowance builds the kind of humans you actually want to live and work with.
By keeping these systems distinct, you’re giving your kids the best of both worlds: a strong sense of responsibility, and the freedom to learn from their own financial missteps.
You’ll also dodge those awkward standoffs in the loo about whether a fiver is enough to clean the family goldfish bowl.
And that, frankly, sounds like a win for everyone.
Raising Capable Kids (Who Still Know How to Clean the Loo)
Parenting is messy. So are kitchens, playrooms, and the back seat of your car.
But by untangling chores from allowance, you’re setting your children up for a life with clear expectations, fewer family arguments, and—fingers crossed—a little more peace for yourself.
If the road gets bumpy, remember: someday your child will thank you. Maybe not this week, and probably not after you’ve asked them to take out the bins for the third time today.
But when they’re living in a flat with four mates and the only one who knows how to work a vacuum, you’ll be their unsung hero.
And isn’t that what parenting is all about?
