“Oh, you look…tired,” someone says, for the fourth time this week. You muster a smile. Tired? You’re running on triple-shot espresso and the faint hope of a nap someday before retirement.
The truth is, parenting fatigue is a club with millions of members, and the only requirement is loving a small (or not-so-small) human with your whole scraggly heart.
If you’re reading this, yawning and probably pondering if you’ve already had your caffeine for the day, here’s a little comfort: You’re most certainly not alone.
1. Sleep Deprivation is Basically a Badge of Honour
Remember those pre-kid days, when you stayed out too late and swore you’d never feel that tired again? Welcome to the big leagues.
Studies have confirmed that new mothers can lose 44 days’ worth of sleep in a baby’s first year (Sleep Junkie research). You read that right—44 days.
If anyone asks what you do for fun, tell them you participate in an extreme endurance sport called “parenting.”
But here’s the thing: You’re allowed to admit it’s tough. The pressure to be “fine” is real, but slogging through sleepless nights doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it’s pretty heroic.
Here’s a little trick: If someone offers to help—whether it’s your partner, your mum, or the neighbour who still remembers what REM cycles are—accept it.
The laundry pile and the dust bunnies can wait, but your sanity really can’t.
2. The Instagram Highlight Reel is Not Real Life
You know those mums on social media with the perfect hair, a child in coordinating organic cotton, and a kitchen that doesn’t have a single crumb on the floor? They exist, but only in curated 15-second bursts.
The reality is far more “sticky handprints and crumbs in the couch cushions.”
A recent study by the Pew Research Center found that nearly 80% of mothers feel pressured to present a certain image online (Pew Research on Parenting and Social Media).
The rest of us? We’re just trying to keep everyone alive until bedtime.
Here’s a challenge: Next time you feel that pang of comparison, unfollow a few of those accounts that make you doubt yourself.
Replace them with real, messy, relatable voices. Or, better yet, post your own “real life” photo. Breakfast in the hair counts as a trend, right?
3. Mum Guilt Is Relentless — But Not Inevitable
You forgot the school library book. You gave in to yet another snack. You fantasised about hiding in the loo for five minutes of peace. Cue the guilt.
Mum guilt sneaks up in the quiet moments (and in the very, very loud ones).
According to a study by the University of Michigan, nearly 90% of mothers report feeling guilty about some aspect of parenting (UM study on maternal guilt).
The good news: You actually get to choose what to do with it.
Try this: Next time guilt starts knocking, ask yourself—would you say the same thing to your best mate? Would you call her a terrible mother for ordering take-away again or missing a school event? Probably not.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.
4. Your Relationship is Tested (And That’s Okay)
Nothing shines a light on a relationship quite like trying to assemble a cot at 2am with a crying newborn as the soundtrack.
Suddenly, you’re debating the finer points of nappy bin placement and why someone (not naming names) put the entire baby grow on backwards.
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that about two-thirds of couples experience a dip in relationship satisfaction after the birth of a child (Gottman Institute research).
You and your partner aren’t broken—just tired and in new territory.
Try a five-minute check-in (yes, even if it’s while folding laundry together). Celebrate the wins, however tiny. “We survived bedtime!” counts.
And if you’re running on empty, don’t be afraid to ask for outside help.
Couples therapy isn’t just for dramatic movie scenes; it’s for real people who want to keep loving each other, even in yoga pants and spit-up stains.
5. Self-Care Isn’t a Luxury — It’s Basic Survival
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told to “just make time for yourself” and wondered what dimension that person lives in. When you’re scraping goldfish crackers off the ceiling, “me time” sounds more like a punchline than advice.
But self-care doesn’t need to look like a silent yoga retreat.
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that even ten-minute pockets of intentional rest reduce stress and boost mood (APA on the benefits of micro-breaks).
Try sitting quietly with a cuppa, a walk round the block, or even locking the bathroom door for two extra minutes (no judgment).
Little acts of kindness for yourself add up. You’re not selfish for needing care—you’re human.
And a recharged mum is a better mum, even if her mascara is smeared and her leggings are questionable.
6. You’re Doing Better Than You Think
It’s easy to focus on what’s undone: the untouched to-do list, the socks that never seem to find their match, the “educational screen time” that morphed into an entire Pixar trilogy.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, reminds us that perfection is a myth, but connection is what matters most (Dr. Neff on self-compassion and parenting).
Your children won’t remember the spotless floors; they’ll remember how you laughed together, even if you were running on fumes.
Tonight, when your head finally hits the pillow, take a breath. You kept going. You hugged, soothed, fed, and loved those kids.
The highlight reel might be missing, but the real stuff—the stuff that matters—is all there.
The Club No One Warned You About
Motherhood is a wild, messy, gloriously exhausting journey, and the tiredness is real. But so is the solidarity.
Next time you lock eyes with another mum in the supermarket, both of you clutching your coffee like a life raft, give her a secret nod.
You’re part of a club that knows the power of dry shampoo, the magic of a well-timed snack, and the beauty of loving your kids even when you’re running on empty.
You’re not alone. Keep going, tired mum.
The world needs you—snacks, smudged eyeliner, and all.
