Love. It’s supposed to be obvious, right?
We give our kids food, clothes, endless reminders to brush their teeth, and occasionally let them eat biscuits for breakfast. That’s love in action!
Yet, most children are emotional detectives. They pick up on everything—tone, attention, mood, even the way your eyebrow arches when you’re “listening” but scrolling your phone.
Busy days have a way of making those loving messages less clear. If you sometimes wonder whether your affection is actually landing, you’re far from alone.
It’s not about grand gestures or squeezing out every last drop of your energy.
The good news: small, consistent tweaks can make all the difference. Let’s make love something your kids don’t just know, but actually feel.
1. Give Full Attention in Short Bursts
You don’t need hours—just genuine minutes that belong to your child alone.
Put the phone away. Look them in the eye. Nod as they explain why blue is better than green, or recount a dream about a talking wombat.
When you turn your body and mind toward them, even for five minutes, children feel seen. This “special time” isn’t background noise; it’s you, fully present.
Research from the University of Washington found that even brief periods of undivided attention strengthen parent-child bonds and boost a child’s emotional security.
The trick isn’t quantity. It’s quality, delivered reliably.
Think of these moments like espresso shots for your relationship: tiny, intense, and surprisingly effective. You’ll find your child more likely to open up—and less likely to try climbing the curtains for attention.
2. Speak Their Language: Words That Hit Home
Not every child is a words-of-affirmation superstar, but nearly all kids want to hear good things about themselves.
Skip the generic “Good job!” and get specific: “You worked really hard on that Lego castle,” or “I love the way you helped your sister with her shoes.”
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children, children absorb praise that feels personal, not automatic.
Verbal affection can be quick and casual—think sticky notes in lunchboxes or a whispered “I love you” before sleep.
Don’t be afraid to get silly: invent a secret handshake, or come up with a special nickname only you use. These playful quirks become an emotional shorthand—a reminder that your love is tailored just for them.
3. Physical Affection: Hugs, Hair Ruffles, and Piggybacks
Remember when they were babies and you spent hours just cuddling? Older kids need touch too, even if they claim they’re “too big” for hugs (spoiler: they’re not).
A spontaneous side-hug while they’re reading, a gentle squeeze of the shoulder, or a playful wrestling match on the lounge can refill a child’s emotional tank.
Physical affection reduces stress, increases oxytocin (the cuddly hormone), and signals safety.
A Canadian study published in Developmental Science showed that children who receive regular physical affection show greater resilience to stress and improved social skills.
Even surly teenagers benefit—though you might need to settle for a high-five or a friendly nudge.
Go on, hand out those hugs like they’re free samples at the supermarket.
4. Little Acts of Service (That Don’t Require Baking Cupcakes)
You don’t need to be a Pinterest parent to show love through action. Simple gestures—like laying out their favourite pyjamas, making their toast just right, or fixing the toy that’s been broken for months—speak volumes.
Acts of service are about noticing needs and meeting them, without a song and dance. These moments say, “I see you. I care about what matters to you.”
Try asking, “Is there something I can help with?” or “Would you like me to walk you to your classroom today?”
This doesn’t mean becoming a butler. It means sprinkling kindness into daily routines.
Evidence suggests that children who experience supportive acts from parents tend to have higher self-esteem and a stronger sense of belonging. No cake pops required.
5. Shared Rituals and Inside Jokes
Rituals are the unsung heroes of family life. Taco Tuesday, pancake Saturdays, that silly song you sing in the car—these are the glue.
Routine doesn’t have to mean boring. Maybe your ritual is reading a chapter together before bed, or doing a “victory dance” after getting shoes on the right feet.
Shared jokes and traditions give children a sense of stability and a story that’s just theirs.
Experts like Dr. Barbara Fiese, author of Family Routines and Rituals, highlight that rituals increase children’s resilience and decrease anxiety. When life feels unpredictable, these little anchors matter a lot.
And let’s be honest: nothing beats a running joke about Dad’s questionable dance moves.
6. Apologies and Repair: When Love Means Owning Your Mistakes
Nobody gets it right all the time. We lose our tempers, forget promises, or snap when the Lego is stabbed into our bare feet. Here’s the magic: when parents apologise, kids feel respected and secure.
A genuine apology (“I yelled earlier, and I’m sorry”) models emotional honesty. It tells your child that love isn’t erased by mistakes.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy notes that repairing after conflict actually builds trust. Children learn that relationships can survive bumps—and that they’re worthy of kindness even when things aren’t perfect.
Lean in. Say sorry. Make it right. Their hearts grow a little bigger every time.
Making Love Loud Enough to Hear
Kids are natural experts at tuning in to how they’re loved. They notice not just what we do, but how we do it. You don’t have to clone yourself or give up sleep to make them feel cherished.
A few minutes of focused attention, a well-placed hug, a ritual that’s just yours—these are the moments that echo.
Don’t worry if your love sometimes gets drowned out by to-do lists, meal planning, or the mystery of where all the socks disappear to.
A small effort, repeated often, counts for more than a grand gesture once a year.
Love, it turns out, is usually found in the everyday mess. And that’s exactly where your child feels it best.
