Every parent knows the sound. The sudden, high-pitched wail, the stomp of a small foot, a face redder than a beetroot.
You’re not alone, and your child isn’t an evil genius sent to destroy your sanity. There’s just a lot going on in those little heads, and sometimes, everything spills out all at once.
Deep breath. Here’s what to do when your kid unleashes a full-on eruption, whether you’re at home, in the cereal aisle, or stuck in traffic with nowhere to run.
1. Pause and Stay Cool (Even When You Want to Scream)
Your child’s meltdown might make you want to match them decibel for decibel—or bolt from the building. Completely natural urge. But your child is looking to you to be their anchor in the storm.
A University of Toronto study found that when parents stay calm during kids’ tantrums, the storm passes faster and with less fallout.
Their heart rate often mirrors yours, so if you’re breathing like you just ran a 5K, chances are they will too.
Try this: Plant your feet, unclench your jaw, and slow your breathing. Picture yourself as the world’s most zen lighthouse, even if inside you’re just a mum or dad running on three hours’ sleep and caffeine.
Sometimes the very act of pausing—saying nothing, doing nothing, just breathing—keeps the situation from escalating further.
2. Label What’s Happening
Kids are famously short on vocabulary when it comes to big feelings.
Borrow a trick from child psychologists and help them name what’s going on. “You’re really mad because your sister ate the last biscuit” or “It looks like you feel sad that it’s bedtime.”
Labelling emotions helps children make sense of their own experience.
According to child psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel, this “name it to tame it” approach can actually dial down the emotional intensity. (He’s got a stack of books on the topic, for those midnight Amazon sprees.)
Naming the feeling doesn’t mean agreeing, and it certainly doesn’t mean giving in. It just helps your child feel heard when everything inside them is shouting.
3. Create a Safe Space for the Explosion
You don’t need to escort your child to a fancy calm-down corner every time things go nuclear, but creating a mini oasis helps.
At home, this might be a spot on the sofa with their favourite blanket. At the shops, it could be stepping to the side and kneeling down to their level.
If you’re somewhere public and feeling every eye on you (hello, Aunt Maureen’s wedding), focus on your child, not the audience. One trick: put your body between your child and onlookers.
You’re creating a small bubble where big feelings are allowed, without turning your kid’s meltdown into public theatre.
Some parents swear by sensory strategies—offering a squishy toy, a cold drink, or headphones. Sometimes small comforts make it easier for your child to come back to earth.
4. Avoid Reasoning With the Volcano
Logic is a beautiful thing. Unless your child is mid-eruption, at which point logic becomes as useful as a chocolate teapot.
Children in meltdown mode are riding a tidal wave of cortisol and adrenaline. Reasoned arguments about how “we don’t throw peas” will bounce off like water on a duck’s back.
Neuroscientist Dr. Mona Delahooke explains that while the logical part of the brain is offline, connection comes first.
Instead of launching into a TED Talk about the merits of sharing or why broccoli isn’t the enemy, try simple, reassuring phrases: “I’m here. I know you’re upset.” Save the teachable moments for later, when the volcano has cooled.
5. Watch for Your Own Triggers
Children’s explosions have a nasty way of lighting our own fuse. You may find yourself reliving playground embarrassments or that time your own parent snapped at you in Tesco.
Before you react, check in with yourself: What’s really making you bristle? Sometimes it’s not just the tantrum, but our own past or even sheer exhaustion.
Some parents keep a short mantra handy—a mental Post-it Note. “This is not an emergency.” “My child is doing the best they can.” Whatever works to keep you from joining the yelling match.
If you do lose your cool (it happens to the best of us), circle back later with a gentle apology. Research from the Child Mind Institute shows kids actually learn emotional regulation from seeing parents make mistakes and then repair.
6. Reconnect When the Storm Is Over
Once the wailing stops and everyone’s still standing, it’s tempting to just get on with your day. But this is the golden window to reconnect and help your child learn what to do next time.
You might ask, “Did that big feeling surprise you?” or “What could help next time you feel that mad?” No need for an emotional debrief worthy of a therapy session—just a quick chat or even a cuddle.
Over time, these post-meltdown moments build your child’s toolkit for handling huge emotions.
Maybe you’ll brainstorm a “mad song” to sing, or draw a picture of feelings together. Or perhaps you’ll just share a biscuit (if there are any left).
When It Feels Like Too Much
Some days, you’ll pull every trick out of the hat and your little one’s still wailing like a banshee.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Some children feel things with the force of a tiny hurricane, and parenting them can be both exhausting and awe-inspiring.
If explosions happen all day, every day—or if your child seems unable to calm down even after the storm—don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for support.
Speaking with your GP, a family therapist, or a local parenting support group can make all the difference.
Small moments matter. Each time you weather the explosion together, you’re teaching your child that big feelings aren’t something to be feared, but something that can be managed (with a little help from mum, dad, or whoever else is within arm’s reach).
Parenting: Not for the Faint of Heart
It’s tempting to judge yourself by the decibels of your child’s tantrum, or to compare your kitchen floor symphonies to those airbrushed Instagram families.
But handling a meltdown with patience—even just once in a while—is the stuff of real parenting wins.
Next time your child explodes, remember: you’re raising a human, not a robot. Humans are gloriously messy.
With connection, a smidge of patience, and a decent supply of biscuits, you’ll make it through.
And who knows—one day you might even laugh about it. (Well, maybe. Give it a decade.)
