Picture this: you’ve just handed your child a snack after a long day, and you’re met with a flat “Is that all?” rather than a thankful grin.
If this rings a bell (or makes you want to run for the nearest chocolate stash), you’re not alone.
Modern parenting often feels like a delicate dance between “raising a grateful human” and “keeping everyone from losing their minds at 6:30pm.”
The trick? Small, consistent conversations that stack up over time—no elaborate gratitude journals required.
These eight phrases aren’t magic spells, but they do lay the groundwork for raising appreciative kids.
Because let’s face it, a “thank you” that’s genuine is way sweeter than one that sounds like it’s creeping out from under duress.
1. Thank you for helping me
Children, especially younger ones, are built to seek approval. If you want them to keep helping (and ideally, to start without being bribed by chocolate buttons), acknowledge their efforts.
When you say, “Thank you for helping me set the table,” you’re reinforcing two things: their actions matter and you notice them.
Researchers from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley have shown that feeling valued is key to developing gratitude in children.
Even when the “help” means forks are now scattered like pick-up-sticks, your thank you plants seeds. And kids who feel appreciated are more likely to repeat those helpful behaviors.
Bonus: you might actually get to sit down at dinner before everything’s cold.
2. Isn’t it lucky we have this?
Scarcity breeds appreciation, but who’s got time to orchestrate elaborate “teach you to appreciate water” exercises every week? Instead, sprinkle gratitude for everyday things into your chatter.
On a rainy morning, say, “Isn’t it lucky we have a warm house to stay dry in?” Or, with a plate of food, “We’re lucky to have fresh veggies tonight.”
This gentle nudge steers kids away from focusing on what’s missing and toward noticing abundance. Sound a bit Pollyanna? Maybe.
But research from Harvard Medical School points out that regular conversations about what we have—not what we lack—help children wire their brains for gratitude, even when life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.
3. How do you think they felt?
Empathy isn’t born, it’s built. Gratitude flourishes when kids understand how their actions affect others.
Next time a friend shares toys or a sibling helps out, ask, “How do you think they felt when you said thank you?” or “How do you think your friend felt when you gave her a turn?”
You’re not just raising polite kids—you’re teaching them to appreciate the feelings behind the gesture.
According to child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, reflecting on the emotional impact of kindness boosts empathy and, in turn, gratitude.
Plus, it gives you a chance to flex your own acting chops with a dramatic “Oh, I bet she felt so happy her smile could reach the moon!”
4. What was your favorite part of today?
Cue the nightly dinner table tradition (which, let’s be honest, sometimes happens in the car, on the loo, or anywhere you can catch them). This question prompts your child to sift through their day for the good stuff, however small.
No need to push for “big” moments—sometimes the “favorite part” is simply, “when the dog licked my feet.” That’s gratitude in action: noticing small joys.
Research published in the Journal of School Psychology found that when families share positive reflections regularly, kids learn to spot and savor goodness, rather than gloss over it.
They also tend to take fewer things for granted (including your endless supply of snacks).
5. I noticed you worked hard on that
Ever feel like kids only hear corrections, never compliments? Shine a light on effort, not just outcomes.
When your child toils over a drawing, attempts their shoelaces (for the 24th time), or finally masters a tricky maths problem, let them know: “I noticed you worked hard on that.”
This phrase says, “I see you,” which helps children appreciate their own abilities and the process behind achievements. Gratitude isn’t just about saying thank you for gifts—it’s about valuing effort and growth.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset reminds us that recognizing effort fuels motivation and positive self-talk.
6. Let’s write a thank you note together
The written thank you note may feel quaint in an era of emojis and texts, but it still packs a punch for building gratitude.
Suggest, “Let’s write a thank you note to Grandma for that parcel,” or “Shall we send a message to your teacher for helping you today?”
Kids who put pen to paper (or thumb to screen) learn to articulate why they’re grateful, which deepens the emotion.
A study from the University of Texas found that writing thank you notes makes both the sender and receiver happier—plus, kids learn that gratitude can stretch beyond a quick “ta” at the door.
Extra points if your child draws a stick-figure family with suspiciously wonky arms.
7. Can you think of something we could do for someone else?
Gratitude grows when it’s shared. Sure, saying thank you is lovely, but helping kids practice giving back takes it further.
Ask, “Can you think of something we could do for someone else who might need cheering up?”
This could be making a card for a sick neighbor, sharing toys with a sibling, or even feeding the local ducks (yes, peas are better than bread—don’t shoot the messenger).
According to the Royal Society for Public Health, children who perform small acts of kindness experience a boost in happiness, empathy, and—surprise!—gratitude. Turns out, giving feels good.
8. What are you grateful for today?
This old chestnut never goes out of style. Inviting your child to share what they’re grateful for at bedtime or during a quiet moment puts the spotlight on the good.
Don’t worry if answers start simple (“I’m grateful for pizza” is a classic). Regular gratitude check-ins teach brains to search for bright spots, even after a wobbly day.
Experts from the Raising Children Network suggest that gratitude rituals—like sharing “three good things” before lights out—help kids fall asleep happier and develop optimism over time.
Just don’t be surprised if “My tablet” makes a regular appearance.
Small Phrases, Big Impact
No parent wants to raise a little Veruca Salt (“I want it NOW!”). Shaping a grateful mindset isn’t about grand gestures or hour-long lectures.
It’s the everyday phrases—tucked between school runs and lost shoes—that help kids see the world through a lens of appreciation.
Try sprinkling these eight phrases into your week. You might discover that gratitude, like most things in parenting, sticks best when served with a side of patience, good humour, and the occasional biscuit bribe.
And if you catch your child saying, “Thank you for dinner, Mum”—don’t be shy about giving yourself a silent, celebratory fist pump under the table. You earned it.
