Let’s cut to the chase: You’re already a good mum. You care enough to read this, after all.
But the “better” bit? That’s a moving target, isn’t it?
Some days it’s about patience, other times it’s getting someone to eat a vegetable (any vegetable, even the sad carrot stick from last week’s packed lunch).
So, what’s the secret sauce?
It begins with one simple thing—no, not colour-coded chore charts or the perfect morning routine. It starts with you.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On
The wisdom from flight attendants applies on solid ground, too. Caring for yourself isn’t some fluffy Pinterest ideal; it’s the difference between being the mum who laughs off the spilled milk and the one who weeps over it (we’ve all been both).
Research in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights a strong link between parental well-being and the emotional health of children.
Translation: a happier you leads to a happier household.
Self-care doesn’t mean spa weekends or hot yoga (unless you fancy a bit of sweating and stretching).
Sometimes it’s as simple as shutting the bathroom door for three minutes of peace, hiding from the family with your phone, or actually drinking that cup of tea before it goes cold. Tiny moments, huge impact.
Ditch the Perfection Game
Motherhood comes with a dazzling array of unrealistic expectations. Instagram mums with flawless homes, snack boxes shaped like zoo animals, and not a hair out of place.
Real life looks more like hunting for clean socks and pretending that slightly toasted fish fingers count as “gourmet.”
The good news? Research shows that “good enough” parenting—the kind that’s warm, responsive, but not helicopter-level—is what kids actually need for healthy development.
So, forget about perfect. Aim for ‘present’, ‘loving’, and sometimes ‘just hanging on by a thread’. That’s winning.
Tune In, Even When They’re Driving You Up the Wall
You know those moments when your child is telling you about the latest plot twist in their favourite cartoon, and your brain is somewhere between your work inbox and what’s for tea? Happens to the best of us.
But kids, even the little tornadoes, crave being seen and heard. According to psychologist Dr. Laura Markham, “connection” is the magic word.
Just five minutes of undivided attention—no phone, no multitasking—can help your child feel valued and secure.
Play a silly game. Ask an off-beat question. Or just flop on the floor with them and see what happens (besides possibly being used as a climbing frame).
Model the Grown-Up You Hope They’ll Become
Children are relentless little copy machines. Every sigh, eye roll, or fit of giggles—they notice it all.
Want to raise a child who handles stress, kindness, or even mistakes with grace? Show them how.
If you lose your cool (and you will), apologise. If something scares you, talk about it. If you need help, say so. Resilience doesn’t magically appear; it’s caught, not taught.
Create Your Own Traditions, Even if They’re Silly
Big holidays and Pinterest-worthy milestones have their place, but it’s the everyday rituals that stick.
Pancake Saturdays, kitchen dance parties, or an annual “Backwards Dinner Night” (pudding first, why not?) become the heartbeats of family memories.
Traditions offer security. They give everyone something to look forward to. Don’t worry about doing what the neighbours are doing—make it your own.
Say Yes to Help—and Mean It
Supermum is a myth, and even superheroes need backup. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of sanity. If a neighbour offers to take your little one for a playdate, say yes.
If your partner suggests you take a nap while they wrangle the kids, please, take the nap.
And don’t be shy about asking for help. You’re teaching your children that community matters.
Work the Power of “No”
Boundaries are not just for toddlers. Protecting your time, your rest, and your mental space is a sacred duty.
That might mean skipping a playdate, saying no to another committee, or refusing to bake for the school fête (someone else can bring the fairy cakes this time).
Saying no to some things means saying yes to what matters most—your family, your health, and your sanity.
Let Go of Mum Guilt (Or at Least Put It in Time Out)
Mum guilt is as universal as nappy changes. Did you yell? Skip bedtime stories? Serve cereal for dinner? Welcome to the club.
Here’s the truth: Children don’t need a perfect mum; they need a real one. Guilt doesn’t make you a better parent, but self-compassion does.
Acknowledge what’s hard, forgive yourself, and move on. Even the best mums have rough days (and questionable meal choices).
Get Outside—Even in the Rain
Fresh air works wonders for restless bodies and frazzled nerves.
Multiple studies, like this one from the American Academy of Pediatrics, found that outdoor time improves mood and supports healthy sleep in both children and parents.
You don’t need to scale a mountain or pack a picnic. A stomp through puddles or a quick scooter ride around the block works magic. Raincoats on, wellies ready—off you go.
Mud is optional, but highly recommended.
Connect With Other Parents (Your Sanity Depends on It)
Parenting can be lonely, especially when you’re up to your elbows in laundry and Lego. Find your tribe—at the playground, in online communities, or even with the other tired-looking parent at school pick-up.
Swapping war stories, sharing tips, or just having a moan over a cuppa can make all the difference. Solidarity is the secret ingredient for surviving parenthood with your sense of humour intact.
Take Stock at the End of the Day
Before you collapse face-first into bed, take a minute to notice what went well (yes, there was something). Maybe everyone got dressed without a major incident.
Perhaps your child said something kind or hilarious. Maybe you managed not to shout when you stepped on that rogue piece of Lego for the third time.
Celebrate the small wins. They’re the building blocks of the kind of mum you want to be.
It All Starts With You
No magic recipe exists for being a “better” mum, but one thing’s clear: it starts with taking care of yourself—body, mind, and spirit.
When you fill your own cup, you have more to pour into those little people who call you Mum, Mummy, or, on a bad day, “Meanest Mum Ever.”
Your kids don’t need perfect. They need you—just as you are, trying, loving, and maybe hiding in the loo with your phone for a minute of peace.
And that, my friend, is more than enough.
