Wish your child would stop poking their sister with a breadstick and start noticing when she’s sad? Good news: Empathy isn’t just a mystical quality reserved for saintly preschoolers.
Scientists say it can be taught—even in a week, if you set your mind (and maybe your patience) to it.
Here’s a down-to-earth, thoroughly doable, and occasionally cheeky guide to raising a more empathetic kid—one day at a time.
1. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Yes, yes, you’ve heard it before: Be the change you want to see in the world. But before you roll your eyes and pretend you’re not reading this on your phone while hiding in the loo, stick with me.
Kids watch, absorb, and then copy what we do—sometimes faster than our WiFi drops out.
That means your reactions to everyday annoyances—getting cut off in traffic, a neighbour returning your lawnmower covered in what you hope is mud, or someone grumbling in the queue—matter more than you think.
Instead of muttering, “What a muppet,” try verbalizing empathy: “Maybe they’re in a rush because something important happened.”
Your child will take notes, even if it looks like they’re ignoring you and dribbling yogurt down their chin.
Back this up with consistency. Research from Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project confirms that parents who model empathetic responses raise more caring children.
Apparently, the researchers have never seen my family at 7:30 a.m., but we’ll trust them anyway.
2. Use Story Time as Empathy Boot Camp
Bedtime stories aren’t just for winding down—think of them as empathy marathons in disguise.
When reading together, pause and ask questions like, “How do you think the princess felt when the dragon sat on her hat?” or, “What would you do if your friend was left out like the penguin in the story?”
Don’t worry if your child’s answers are initially more villainous than virtuous (“I’d take the dragon’s hat and run!”). This is a golden opportunity to discuss feelings, motivations, and consequences.
Over time, you’ll see their answers shift toward kindness and understanding.
For older kids, chapter books and even movies work too. The goal isn’t to grill them, just to gently steer their minds toward considering others’ feelings.
According to this study, children who engage in perspective-taking during story time show increased empathy in real life. Move over, bedtime sheep-counting.
3. Make Feelings Part of Your Family’s Vocabulary
Ever asked your child, “Why did you throw your shoe at the cat?” and gotten a blank stare? Feelings can be mysterious—even to adults—so let’s get them out in the open.
Set aside a few minutes each day for a “feelings check-in.”
This could be at dinner, in the car, or during the world’s slowest walk to school. Share your own feelings too, without sounding like your therapist’s latest case study. “I felt a bit frustrated today when I lost my keys, but happy when you gave me a hug.”
To make it less awkward, use feeling charts (you can find printable ones here—bonus points for silly faces). Even little ones can start naming emotions beyond “happy” and “mad.”
Once a child can label their own feelings, it’s a hop, skip, and a jump to recognizing them in others.
4. Praise Empathy When You Catch It
Empathy often happens in tiny, unspectacular moments. Maybe your child offers a half-soggy cracker to their crying sibling or pats the family dog after it survives being dressed as a pirate.
When you spot these flashes of kindness, call them out. “I noticed you shared your snack with your friend when he was sad. That’s really caring of you.”
Keep it specific; generic “good job”s disappear into the ether.
According to child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, praising the action and linking it to how it made someone else feel strengthens these behaviors.
Kids love being noticed—and will gleefully repeat whatever nets them a gold star (or an extra biscuit).
5. Practise Acts of Kindness Together
Nothing teaches empathy quite like rolling up your sleeves, even if your “good deed” involves picking up rubbish at the playground while your child tries to adopt a worm.
Find simple, age-appropriate ways to help others as a family: make a thank-you card for a teacher, bring a meal to a neighbour, or let your child help choose food for the local food drive. Even small gestures count.
A study in Child Development found that children who regularly participate in acts of kindness are more likely to notice and care about others’ feelings.
Turns out, being nice is catching.
And yes, sometimes you’ll get eye rolls or complaints. That’s normal. Just keep at it—the message is sinking in, even through the groans.
6. Teach Them to Spot Feelings—Even When They’re Subtle
Empathy isn’t just about feeling sorry for someone who’s crying on the playground. It’s the little things—like noticing when a mate is unusually quiet or a sibling suddenly hates their favourite game.
Turn these into teachable moments.
Ask questions like, “Did you notice Jamie looked a bit sad today? What do you think might have happened?” or, “Your sister’s gone quiet—do you think she needs some space, or maybe a cuddle?”
For extra help, try games like “emotion charades” or apps like Peekapak that turn social-emotional learning into a sneaky, fun activity. This helps kids pick up on feelings that aren’t shouted from the roof.
Don’t expect miracles overnight, but with a bit of practice, your child will become more attuned to those subtle social cues that make all the difference.
7. Show Them How to Apologize and Make Amends
Everybody messes up. (If you haven’t, you’re probably a robot—or my mother-in-law.) The trick is showing your child how to own their mistakes with empathy.
When your child hurts someone’s feelings, resist the urge to force a parroted “sorry” and move on. Instead, ask them how they think the other person felt, and what they could do to help.
Maybe that means drawing a picture, giving a hug, or just acknowledging the hurt.
Role-play common scenarios—spilled juice on a friend’s art project, snatching a toy, telling a fib. Practice what a real apology sounds like: “I’m sorry I broke your pencil. I know you liked it. Can I help fix it?”
Genuine apologies help kids see that their actions have emotional impact, and that making things right is part of being a good mate. Experts at Zero to Three confirm that this process is crucial for lasting empathy.
Raising a Kinder Kid—One Day at a Time
Seven days won’t turn your child into the Dalai Lama. But you will see small, heartening changes—the shared toy, the thoughtful question, the look of concern when someone falls off their scooter.
And those moments? Gold.
Empathy isn’t a box to tick; it’s a daily practice. Keep at it, celebrate every win (no matter how tiny), and don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re running on caffeine and leftover fish fingers.
You’re raising a kid who’ll care about others—and that’s not just good parenting. That’s building a better world, one snack-time squabble at a time.
