Tucking in kids can feel like wrangling a mischievous octopus into a pillowcase. You’re exhausted, they’ve “suddenly remembered” a school project, and the dog’s howling at a dust mote in the hallway.
But there’s a secret weapon for these wild evenings: the bedtime question.
Not a quiz, not an interrogation—just one small, magical question that can change everything.
Why Bedtime Matters More Than You Think
Every parent on earth has at least one story from the trenches: the desperate, whispered plea of “Just go to sleep!” at an hour when only bats and insomniac raccoons are awake.
But behind the nightly chaos, bedtime is sacred ground. Those few minutes before lights out? They’re pure gold for connection.
A study shows that bedtime routines build children’s sense of security and emotional regulation. Kids are more likely to open up when the lights are dim, the house is (finally) quiet, and you’re snuggled close.
No distractions. No screens. Just you, your child, and the soft hush of nighttime.
The Bedtime Question That Works Wonders
You don’t need a psychology degree or a Pinterest-worthy chart. All you need is one question:
“What was the best part of your day?”
Simple? Absolutely. But don’t let that fool you—this is a question with superpowers.
Asking about the best moment of the day helps kids focus on the positive, reflect on their feelings, and strengthens your bond in ways that nagging about teeth-brushing never will.
How This Simple Question Changes Everything
This isn’t just a feel-good exercise. When you ask kids to share something good, their brains light up.
Positive emotions become easier to recall. Patterns of noticing joy and gratitude start to form.
And you? You get a front-row seat to the little things that make your child tick: the high fives at footy practise, the giggles at lunch, the kindness of a friend.
Research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child highlights how these back-and-forth interactions at bedtime actually build neural pathways. That’s science talk for “talking matters—a lot.”
More Than Just the Good Stuff
Some nights, your child’s “best” moment might feel a bit lacklustre.
“My best part was when I finished broccoli because then I was done.”
Hey, small wins are still wins.
Other nights, you’ll get a window into worries, disappointments, or fears. “I didn’t have a best part. Today was rubbish.”
Resist the urge to fix it right there. Sometimes the magic comes from just listening. Kids need to know that you care about their day—good, bad, or broccoli-related.
Making It Your Own
The heart of this ritual is connection, not perfection. If “What was the best part of your day?” feels awkward, try one of these:
- “What made you laugh today?”
- “Was there a part of your day you’d like to do again?”
- “Who was kind to you today?”
- “If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”
Curiosity is the real secret ingredient.
When They Don’t Want to Talk
Every parent knows the stonewall: The blank stare. The “I dunno.” The sudden fascination with a single thread on the duvet.
Don’t take it personally. Some kids need time to warm up. You’re building trust, not drilling for oil.
You can ease the pressure by sharing your own best moment. Kids are far more likely to share once they realise you’re not conducting an inquisition.
“My favourite part was when you sang off-key in the car. Remind me never to let you pick the music again.”
Laughter helps, too.
What About Teens?
If you’re parenting a teenager and you’ve just snorted at the thought of them engaging in bedtime rituals, fair enough. But even big kids benefit from a nightly check-in.
Swap the question for something a little less “mumsy.” Try:
- “What’s one thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow?”
- “Anything you want me to know before the day ends?”
- “Was there anything that bugged you today?”
Keep it light, keep it real, and don’t hover in the doorway for a TED Talk. Sometimes just knowing you care is enough.
Building a Ritual, Not a Performance
Pressure kills the magic. You’re not aiming for a viral TikTok moment or a heartwarming montage. Some nights, your child will spill their heart. Other nights, you’ll get one-word answers and snores within thirty seconds.
Consistency is what counts. The ritual tells your child: “This is our moment. I’m here, I care, you matter.”
Over time, kids come to depend on these moments. They might even remind you if you forget. (Though let’s be honest, you’ll probably forget. That’s why God invented post-it notes and smartphone reminders.)
What If Your Kid Says Something Tough?
Not every day sparkles. If your child shares something that makes you worried—a fight at school, a sad feeling, a struggle with friends—stay calm.
Validate their feelings. “That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk more about it?”
Offer comfort, not solutions—at least not right away. Nighttime is for reassurance, not detailed strategy sessions with flip charts.
If something needs action (like bullying or anxiety), you can follow up in the morning when heads are clearer.
Making It Work for Busy Nights
No one’s pretending bedtime is always a tranquil, candlelit affair. Some nights, you’ll be half-reading emails while wrestling small limbs into pyjamas.
Even a quick check-in matters. The “bedtime question” doesn’t need mood lighting or six uninterrupted minutes. Whisper it during toothbrushing, ask in the car on the way to footy, murmur it in a groggy cuddle.
It’s the asking that matters, not the choreography.
When Siblings Get Competitive
Anyone with more than one child knows the struggle. Bedtime turns into a contest: Who can outdo the other with a wilder story, a louder giggle, a more impressive “best part?”
Celebrate it. Let each child have a turn. If you’re worried about giving everyone individual attention, steal fifteen seconds per kid.
You’ll be amazed at how much connection fits into a tiny time slot.
(And if the little one tries to claim the baby’s best moment was “drinking his own foot,” just roll with it.)
For the Parents Who Feel Like Giving Up
Some nights, you’ll want to skip it all. You’ll hear yourself say, “Go to sleep!” in a voice that would terrify a wild boar. That’s normal.
You’re human. You’re tired. And your child will forgive the occasional missed night—or the hundredth.
Just come back to it when you can. Kids don’t remember every perfect moment, they remember the feeling of being loved.
Sleep, Science, and the Bedtime Question
The power of the bedtime question isn’t just a warm-and-fuzzy theory. Psychologist Dr. Laura Markham points to bedtime conversations as a tool for emotional regulation.
Kids who feel safe and connected at night are less likely to resist sleep, and more likely to share what’s on their minds.
Translation: You might actually get more sleep yourself.
Making Memories, One Night at a Time
Years from now, your child might not recall every detail of childhood.
But they’ll remember the way you listened. The way you cared about the little details. The feeling of safety as the world got dark and quiet.
That’s the stuff that sticks.
And all it takes? One bedtime question. One moment. Night after night—no perfection required.
The Real Best Part of Your Day
The true magic of that bedtime question isn’t just in what your child shares—it’s in knowing that, amid the chaos and exhaustion, you made space for connection.
Not every day has a best part. But every day can end with the feeling that you showed up, asked, and listened.
And if you’re lucky, you might just hear, “The best part of my day was this, right now, with you.”
No fancy parenting book can top that.
