Every parent has faced it: the standoff at the sock drawer, the epic saga of brushing teeth, the moment when “Could you please…” is met with the unwavering gaze of a tiny, immovable object.
Getting kids to cooperate can sometimes feel like herding cats—cats who are also aspiring lawyers.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your child might excel at negotiations in Geneva, you’re not alone.
Here’s the good news: cooperation isn’t just luck of the genetic draw. It’s a skill that can be encouraged, shaped, and—dare we say—enjoyed, at least some of the time.
Here are seven practical ways to get your child on board.
1. Make It a Team Effort
It turns out that “Because I said so” doesn’t inspire much enthusiasm. (Who knew?) Children, like adults, want to feel their voices matter.
Research from the Harvard Graduate School of Education notes that when children feel heard and respected, they’re more likely to cooperate.
Try framing requests as invitations: “Let’s tackle this together,” or “Can you be my helper while we tidy up?”
You might be surprised how quickly little ones will hop on board when they feel like part of the action—especially if there’s a sense of teamwork rather than a top-down order.
And yes, sometimes it really helps to do that silly dance while picking up toys. Go on, no one’s watching.
2. Give Choices They Can Handle
Would you rather wear the red jumper or the blue t-shirt? Peas or carrots with dinner? These simple choices empower kids and sidestep power struggles.
Giving children some control in age-appropriate ways is a classic strategy endorsed by child development experts like Dr. Laura Markham.
Of course, this doesn’t mean offering a smorgasbord of options for every decision (unless you fancy bedtime at midnight). Instead, offer two or three acceptable choices.
You set the boundaries, and your child gets to flex their decision-making muscles within them.
And if they insist on shorts in winter? Well, sometimes natural consequences teach better than a lecture. Just remember to bring the coat.
3. Keep Instructions Clear and Manageable
Long, winding explanations might impress your neighbours, but they usually lose your child by sentence three. Young children especially do best with brief, direct instructions.
“Please put your shoes by the door,” works better than, “We need to keep our hallway tidy, so please remember to take your shoes off and put them away after you come in, otherwise someone might trip.”
Break tasks into bite-sized steps. Rather than saying, “Clean your room,” try, “Can you pick up your books and put them on the shelf?” Once they’ve managed that, move to the next step.
One task at a time beats the “overwhelm and stall” routine every day of the week.
4. Use Routines and Visual Cues
Children are creatures of habit (aren’t we all?), and routines offer a comforting predictability—even if your own routine sometimes feels like chaos dressed up as organisation.
A study published in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics found that consistent routines help kids feel secure and more likely to follow through with daily tasks.
Visual schedules work wonders, especially for younger children or kids who process information better with pictures. Draw, print, or use magnets to represent tasks like brushing teeth, getting dressed, and feeding the goldfish.
If your child loves stickers, you’ve just discovered a superpower. Stickers are the unofficial currency of cooperation in many households.
5. Notice and Praise Cooperation—Genuinely
Kids often hear about what they’re not doing right. Turning the spotlight on their positive behaviour can be a game changer.
The trick is making your praise specific rather than generic. “Thank you for putting your plate in the sink—that was really helpful,” goes further than “Good job.”
Researchers at Yale Child Study Center found that positive reinforcement encourages kids to repeat the behaviour. And let’s be honest, everyone likes to feel appreciated.
Just don’t overdo it—kids are experts at sniffing out insincerity. No one needs a standing ovation for flushing the toilet (well, most days).
6. Model the Behaviour You Want to See
Children are world-class mimics. If you’re calm and respectful—even during a morning that’s rapidly going sideways—they’re more likely to mirror that behaviour.
A report from the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning highlights how kids learn self-regulation and cooperation by watching adults manage their own emotions.
When you need your child to cooperate, show them what that looks like. “I’m going to hang up my coat now, want to do yours with me?” Or, when things go awry, a simple, “Oops, I made a mistake—let’s fix it together,” can work wonders.
No parent keeps it together all the time. Apologising when you lose your cool teaches your child that making amends is part of life, too.
7. Stay Playful—Even When You’re Over It
If cajoling your child into putting on shoes feels like starring in a never-ending sitcom, introducing a dash of playfulness can shift the mood.
Pretend the toothbrush is a train coming through the mouth tunnel, race to see who can get dressed first, or whip out your best robot voice when it’s time to tidy up.
According to Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, play is children’s native language. It helps them connect, cooperate, and even tackle tough transitions.
Admittedly, there are days when you’re more “tea and a biscuit” than “jazz hands and silly voices.” That’s fine.
But when you can muster the energy, play is one of the most effective tools for easing resistance.
When Stubbornness Reigns Supreme
Not every day will run like clockwork, and sometimes even the most well-meaning tactics flop spectacularly. Every child has their moments of immovable stubbornness—some just have more of them before breakfast.
On the days when nothing seems to work, know this: your efforts are building the foundation for mutual respect and trust.
Each time you choose connection over coercion, you’re teaching your child lifelong skills—ones that matter far beyond the sock drawer.
And if all else fails, there’s always tomorrow (and maybe a well-deserved treat for you hiding in the pantry).
