Some phrases slip out of our mouths so habitually, you’d think we had them on speed dial since birth.
And when raising little humans who can’t find their shoes but can detect hypocrisy from five paces away, it’s worth giving our words a quick audit.
No guilt trips here—just a chance to swap some old classics for lines that might make your family life run a smidge smoother (and maybe, just maybe, cut down on the door-slamming).
Ready to cringe, laugh, and rethink a few go-to lines? You’ve got this.
1. Because I Said So
If we had a dollar for every time this line echoed through living rooms, we could retire to the Bahamas—without the kids.
It’s the parenting equivalent of handing over a “do not question authority” badge, and while it might save you a few seconds, it often leaves kids confused and frustrated.
Research from the University of New Hampshire shows that children whose parents use more authoritative, explanation-based responses develop better reasoning and social skills.
Kids are naturally curious (aka relentless), and though explaining your reasoning may not immediately halt the “but whyyyy,” it teaches them to respect rules and boundaries for a reason—not just because someone bigger said so.
Next time, try:
“I need you to put your trainers on because we’ll be late for school and your teacher doesn’t allow flip-flops.”
Or, “You can’t have chocolate for breakfast because your body needs fuel to stay strong, not just sugar.”
Will it spark more questions? Almost certainly. But your child learns that rules have logic behind them, and—bonus—they’re more likely to cooperate over time.
If you’re running on fumes (and coffee), a simple “Let’s talk more after dinner” works, too.
2. You’re Okay, Stop Crying
Nothing stops a robust toddler meltdown quite like… well, nothing. Telling your child they’re fine when they’re clearly not is about as effective as asking the Wi-Fi to fix itself.
While the urge to hurry things along (or spare your eardrums) is understandable, dismissing big feelings can teach kids to bottle up emotions or feel ashamed for having them.
Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham often points out that validating emotions—even the ones that feel overblown—is key to helping children develop resilience and self-awareness.
Instead of waving away the tears, acknowledge them:
“That fall looked like it hurt. It’s okay to be upset—come here for a cuddle.”
Or, “I can see you’re frustrated your tower fell over. Want to try building it again together?”
It doesn’t mean you need to let every tantrum drag on for ages, but it signals to your child that their feelings are safe to express. You’re not raising a tiny robot, after all.
3. Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Brother (or Anyone Else, Really)
A little sibling rivalry keeps things spicy, but constant comparisons? That’s a recipe for self-doubt and resentment—served with a side of awkward family dinners.
Well-meaning as it may seem (“Why can’t you be more organised, like your sister?”), this phrase can make kids feel like they’ll never measure up, leaving scars long past childhood.
According to research from the University of California, Davis, children who are frequently compared to siblings or peers are more likely to develop anxiety, lower self-esteem, and less motivation.
The truth is, each child brings their own quirks and talents to the table (your oldest might alphabetise their Lego, while the youngest can turn the sofa into a pirate ship in 0.2 seconds).
Try focusing on specifics:
“I noticed you took your plate to the kitchen—thank you for helping out.”
Or, “Your drawings are getting so creative. I love seeing what you come up with.”
Celebrate progress, not perfection, and keep the focus on their unique strengths. You’ll foster confidence without turning your home into a competition arena.
4. Good Job! (On Repeat. For Everything.)
Before you throw tomatoes: praise isn’t the enemy. But raining down “Good job!” for every half-hearted scribble or semi-cleaned room can backfire.
Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset reveals that children who are praised for effort and specific actions—not just blanket approval—are more likely to take on challenges and bounce back from setbacks.
Showering kids with generic praise can actually make them more approval-seeking, less adventurous, and wary of failure. Instead, get specific:
“That was a tricky puzzle, and you kept trying until you got it—impressive!”
Or, “I saw how you shared your blocks with your mate. That was kind.”
Reserve your “good jobs” for moments when you truly mean it, and don’t be afraid to let silence (or a high five) do the talking sometimes. A little authenticity goes a long way.
5. Hurry Up!
If parenthood is a marathon, then “Hurry up!” is the rallying cry that echoes through every corridor. School run? Hurry up. Brushing teeth? Hurry up.
Existential dread about the missing left shoe? Hurry up.
Problem is, this phrase builds anxiety for kids—especially those who move at the speed of molasses—while rarely making things actually go faster.
According to parenting expert Janet Lansbury, children, especially younger ones, process transitions slowly and need time to adjust. Rushing can leave them stressed and frazzled, which, ironically, slows them down even more.
Try time warnings:
“We’ve got five more minutes, then it’s time to leave for swimming.”
Or, offer choices: “Would you like to put your coat on now, or after you’ve packed your rucksack?”
When all else fails, singing your request (badly) or challenging your child to a race can inject a little fun (and maybe, just maybe, get you out the door with your sanity intact).
Swapping Out Old Habits One Phrase at a Time
No one expects you to unlearn decades of parenting catchphrases overnight.
The odd “Because I said so!” will slip through the cracks—usually when you’re running late and someone’s eaten toothpaste again.
But small tweaks in your language can shift the whole energy in your home, teaching your child not just to listen, but to feel heard and respected.
And on days when even stringing a sentence together feels like a win? Give yourself a break. Parenting is messy, beautiful, and a bit of a circus.
All you can do is pack a sense of humour, a few better phrases, and lots of snacks for the journey.
