You know those “better moms” everyone seems to talk about? The ones who manage to get their kids fed, mostly dressed, and only occasionally have peanut butter in their hair by 9am?
Here’s a plot twist: they’re not perfect, and no one’s handing out medals for most Pinterest-worthy lunchboxes.
The secret sauce? It’s not about perfection — it’s about a handful of habits that make family life feel a little more possible and a lot more joyful.
Here’s what “better moms” do, without a whiff of martyrdom, martyrdom, or that looming suspicion you’ve forgotten spirit day (again).
1. Prioritise Connection Over Perfection
You can spot a better mum by her ability to ignore the dust bunnies in favour of a cuddle on the sofa. There’s research out of Harvard showing that close parent-child relationships, not the number of extracurricular activities, build more resilient, happier kids.
Connection doesn’t require an Instagram-worthy craft project or a day trip to the zoo every weekend.
A chat in the car, a silly dance-off in the kitchen, or just a shared eye-roll over the dog’s antics can fill up your little one’s emotional tank better than anything you can buy.
Eye contact, a genuine smile, a hand-stroke across the back — these micro-moments have a sneaky way of becoming the memories that stick.
Perfection, on the other hand, is exhausting. Why spend your evening hunting for matching socks when you could be reading a book together? (Besides, mismatched socks are very in with the under-sevens.)
2. They Apologise (And Mean It)
Every parent has lost their cool and barked at a child for something utterly inoffensive, like humming “Let It Go” for the 400th time before breakfast. Better mums don’t pretend to be unflappable. They apologise when they’ve gone overboard.
Real apologies — “I’m sorry I shouted earlier, I was frustrated and that wasn’t fair to you” — teach kids that everyone makes mistakes.
According to child development experts, modelling sincere apologies builds emotional intelligence and trust. It’s humbling to admit you’ve got it wrong in front of a preschooler, but powerful.
Your child learns that love doesn’t vanish when someone messes up, and that making things right is part of being a grown-up.
You can even make a game of it: a family “oops jar” for silly slip-ups. Spare change for every “oops” — and at the end of the month, spend it on ice creams all round.
3. They Set Boundaries (Without Turning Into a Dictator)
Better mums are clear on the fact that Netflix does not, in fact, replace a responsible adult, and that biscuits at breakfast are a sometimes food (even if you occasionally cave for sanity’s sake).
Consistency is the magic word here. Kids thrive when they know what to expect, and boundaries are like arm rails on a wobbly bridge — not to spoil the fun, but to help everyone cross safely.
This doesn’t mean you have to sound like a Victorian headmistress. Setting boundaries can be as simple as calmly stating, “We tidy up before we watch Bluey,” or “We use our words, not our dinosaur roars, when we’re cross.”
It’s tempting to give in to negotiation — children are natural-born lawyers — but a gentle, predictable routine keeps everyone’s cortisol levels (mostly) in check.
Experts like psychologist Dr. Laura Markham have found that clear, loving limits help reduce household chaos and teach self-control.
Bonus: when you do flex or say “yes” to extra screen time on a rainy Sunday, it feels like a treat, not the end of civilisation.
4. They Find Small Joys (Even On The Worst Days)
Some mornings, you wake up to a toddler standing beside your bed, two inches from your face, whispering, “Mummy, I made a surprise for you.”
Spoiler: it’s toothpaste on the cat. On these days, better mums have a superpower — spotting tiny pockets of delight in the chaos.
Maybe it’s a hot cup of tea (reheated twice, but who’s counting); maybe it’s the smell of your child’s hair after a bath, or a single uninterrupted song on the radio during the school run.
Gratitude isn’t always about grand gestures — a 2019 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology shows that noticing small, positive moments each day boosts mood and resilience.
Share these bright spots with your kids, too. “I loved how you shared your toy with your brother” or “That was a brilliant joke, even if I’m still not sure what a knock-knock is” — it all counts.
When you celebrate the ordinary, children (and grown-ups) learn to look for silver linings, even on toothpaste-cat days.
5. They Show Themselves Grace — And Ask For Help
Better mums do not operate like solitary superheroes. The myth of the mum who “does it all” is responsible for more parental guilt than any abandoned vegetable at dinnertime.
Realistically, some days you’ll have cereal for tea, and the only thing packed in the schoolbag will be existential dread.
Research highlighted by the Australian Parenting Website confirms that parental self-compassion is linked to lower stress and better outcomes for both parents and children.
That means forgiving yourself, skipping the guilt trip, and, when needed, raising the white flag.
Ask your partner to take over the bedtime story. Drop a group text for help with the carpool. Accept that the PTA cake sale might get supermarket cupcakes with slightly wonky icing on top.
Take a breath. Phone a friend. “Me time” isn’t a dirty word — it’s survival.
When you show your kids it’s okay to not have all the answers, you’re teaching them that being human is enough.
Perfection Is Overrated, the Washing Can Wait
Better mums aren’t born, and they certainly don’t hatch from the pages of parenting books with a ready supply of home-baked sourdough.
They’re the ones who mess up, say sorry, laugh at their mistakes, and try again tomorrow, with a dash of grace and the occasional bribe of a biscuit.
The real magic happens when you ditch the guilt and focus on what matters: connection, boundaries, a little self-kindness, and hunting for those tiny joys hiding in plain sight.
No medals, no gold stars — just small daily wins that add up to something beautiful.
And yes, the washing might pile up. But those bedtime cuddles? Those matter more.
