Wish you could bubble wrap your child and send them out into the world? Unfortunately, emotional bubble wrap doesn’t exist.
But certain skills can build genuine resilience, helping kids handle disappointments, playground politics, and those epic sibling standoffs.
Emotional toughness isn’t about never crying or always “winning” – it’s about bouncing back, laughing off the small stuff, and knowing when to ask for help.
Feeling a little stretched yourself? These skills won’t require a PhD in child psychology or twelve spare hours.
You can start building them over dinner, on the school run, or while refereeing another argument over who gets the last biscuit.
1. Talking About Feelings Without the Eye Roll
Some kids come pre-installed with the ability to talk about their feelings. The rest? Well, you’d get more words out of a grumpy cat.
Yet consistently naming and expressing emotions makes them less overwhelming and far less likely to erupt at the worst possible moment (surprise meltdown in the supermarket aisle, anyone?).
What helps:
Model it. Don’t just ask, “How was your day?” and brace for the one-word answer. Try, “I felt a bit nervous about my meeting today, and it made my tummy hurt. Did anything make you feel wobbly or happy today?”
Kids learn from your emotional vocabulary. Even if your child grunts, they’re absorbing the idea that feelings can be named and discussed.
Not sure what to say? Psychologists recommend using books, TV characters, or stories to prompt low-pressure conversations. “Wow, Bluey looked really frustrated when Bingo took her toy. What do you think she was feeling?”
This works especially well for children who’d rather eat broccoli than talk about themselves.
2. Bouncing Back From Failure (Without Faking a Smile)
Nobody likes to fail – except maybe toddlers, who seem to think falling on their face is an elite sport. As kids get older, setbacks can sting.
Building emotional muscle means learning to cope with failure and try again, instead of falling into a pit of “I’ll never be good at maths/spelling/netball/friendship again!”.
What helps:
Swap empty praise for effort praise. Instead of “You’re so smart!” go with, “I saw how hard you worked on that maths problem, and you didn’t give up.”
Research from Carol Dweck’s growth mindset studies shows that when kids see abilities as things they can improve, they’re more likely to try again after a setback.
Share your own “whoops” moments. Did you burn dinner or miss a deadline? Tell your child what you learned and how you fixed it (or didn’t!). This normalises mistakes, making them less scary.
If a big disappointment hits, resist the urge to rush in and fix everything. Ask, “What might you try next time?” or “Would you like a hug or to talk it through?”
Sometimes, just knowing they’re loved even when things go pear-shaped builds the strongest foundation of all.
3. Solving Problems Instead of Stewing in Them
Ever witnessed your child stare at their untied shoes as if hoping the laces will spontaneously knot themselves? Kids aren’t born knowing how to break down problems – from battles over screen time to friendship spats.
What helps:
Talk through simple steps: What’s the problem? What are a couple of ways to handle it? What could happen next?
It’s not about always choosing the “right” solution, but about getting comfortable making decisions and learning from the results.
If your child is stuck, try brainstorming together. “Shoes keep coming untied? Should we try double knots or sticky laces?”
For bigger issues, you might need to gently prompt them to think about consequences without leaping in with your own adult logic.
Collaborative problem-solving is at the heart of Ross Greene’s model for challenging behavior, which suggests even very young or explosive children can learn to find solutions (with a little parental backup).
Spoiler: This works with spouses, too.
4. Setting Boundaries and Sticking to Them
No one wants their child to be a doormat. On the flip side, none of us dreams of raising the next dictator of Year 4.
Learning to say “no” (nicely), ask for space, or speak up when something feels wrong is a huge part of emotional strength.
What helps:
Role play. Pretend to be the friend who wants to borrow the “special” toy or asks your child to play a game they don’t like.
Practice saying, “I don’t want to do that right now,” or “Please stop – I don’t like it.” The more your child repeats these phrases in safe settings, the more likely they’ll use them when it counts.
And yes, you’ll need to respect their boundaries, too. If your child says they don’t want a hug right now, honour it.
This shows them their feelings matter, and gives them confidence to express their needs elsewhere.
Specialists including child therapist Janine Halloran point out that setting boundaries (and having them respected) is a huge factor in later resilience and positive relationships.
A tough skill for kids – and honestly, for plenty of adults.
5. Calming Down When the Volcano Blows
Emotional toughness isn’t about suppressing big feelings. It’s about finding ways to cool down when frustration, anger, or anxiety threaten to take over. (“Go to your room and calm down!” is nobody’s favourite phrase, least of all your child’s.)
What helps:
Teach your child simple calming strategies long before the meltdown. Deep breaths, counting to ten, squeezing a stress ball, or even stomping feet can work wonders.
Make it a game: who can blow the biggest imaginary bubble with their breath? Or who can squeeze a pillow the hardest?
Young children often need concrete, visual tools. Try drawing a “feelings thermometer” together – marking what “calm,” “frustrated,” and “about to explode” look like.
When you spot those early signs, gently point them out: “Your hands are clenching – maybe it’s time for a dragon breath?”
Calm-down skills aren’t built overnight. The goal isn’t to erase anger or sadness, but to help kids recover faster and feel more in control.
Studies have shown that self-regulation strategies, taught early, improve mental health and outcomes right into adulthood.
Raising the Resilient Kid (or At Least Surviving the School Run)
Emotional toughness isn’t reserved for the naturally stoic, or the children who never lose their cool in Sainsbury’s.
These five skills – talking about tough emotions, bouncing back after setbacks, solving problems, setting boundaries, and calming down – can be learned and practised by any child (and any parent, in case you’re feeling inspired).
Start small. Choose one skill and weave it into your week.
If all else fails, give yourself a gold star for surviving another bedtime negotiation.
Because emotionally tough kids don’t magically appear. They grow, one awkward conversation and sticky jam sandwich at a time.
And if you ever feel like you’re the one who needs a little extra emotional muscle? You’re not alone.
Parents are still learning, too.
